Having wonderful friends who stand by you, listen to you crib about life and soothe you so that when you've calmed down, you are ready to face the music - nothing beats that, right? They are the people we can turn to when we really need to crib, get advice or just pour out whatever is bugging us. I do that all the time with my friends and they do the same with me. Still, I have to be honest, all relationships are dynamic because change happens all the time, sometimes there is little we can do to fight it. [READ: Learn to Behave & Golden Advice]
[Source: Unsplash]
I remember a friend, whom I became very close to on the first day we met. The next day she said, "My mother told me that I should learn to balance it out because friendships, even the best ones, change faster than the speed of lightning. It's important to keep that perspective in place."
At the time, I felt a little hurt and even wondered why her mother had conveyed such a message to her but now I think it makes sense because we can't make everything stay still.
[Source: Unsplash]
[Source: Unsplash]
I remember a friend, whom I became very close to on the first day we met. The next day she said, "My mother told me that I should learn to balance it out because friendships, even the best ones, change faster than the speed of lightning. It's important to keep that perspective in place."
At the time, I felt a little hurt and even wondered why her mother had conveyed such a message to her but now I think it makes sense because we can't make everything stay still.
All relationships are subject to change, whether we like it or not.
Therefore, safeguard your privacy and personal details so that you don't make the mistake of trusting the wrong person and repenting it later.
Many years ago, an uncle from the extended family visited me and when he heard how deeply close I am with colleagues and how I share a lot of things with them, he cautioned me, "Whatever you discuss with your friends, never discuss about your immediate family members with anyone. Talk about career, learning, hobbies, films, travel and books but don't talk about things that are close to your heart. Some day, if your relationship with that person turns sour, you should not have regrets about what you revealed about your loved ones."
At the time, I didn't feel convinced but I have seen women, once friends and later when they have issues with each other, use those very 'confidential' details to hurt the other.
[Source: Unsplash]
Many years ago, an uncle from the extended family visited me and when he heard how deeply close I am with colleagues and how I share a lot of things with them, he cautioned me, "Whatever you discuss with your friends, never discuss about your immediate family members with anyone. Talk about career, learning, hobbies, films, travel and books but don't talk about things that are close to your heart. Some day, if your relationship with that person turns sour, you should not have regrets about what you revealed about your loved ones."
At the time, I didn't feel convinced but I have seen women, once friends and later when they have issues with each other, use those very 'confidential' details to hurt the other.
Think about the conflicts you've had in your relationships and how you learned better ways of tackling it. It could be with your parents, friends, employers or in-laws.
Often, teachers have shared their anxieties with me over casual conversations about how some parents just meet to attack and accuse them rather than listen or understand. I've seen some colleagues experiencing conflicts with each other, some choose to take the negative stance and feeling worse about themselves while others take it as a learning curve and do something about it rather than deepen the conflict.
If you have made terrible mistakes and messed up things to worsen your conflicts, you would have learned from that and moved on to make better, informed decisions, right?
If you have made terrible mistakes and messed up things to worsen your conflicts, you would have learned from that and moved on to make better, informed decisions, right?
Think about conflicts in a positive way than as something you want to forget.
Reflect on what you've learned from it. To begin with, just think about it.
Our thoughts play an important role in how we respond to criticism and conflict.
We have different ways of dealing with conflict because its the salt that keeps life moving on to higher learning curves.
A balanced approach is to pause before reacting or responding to any conflicts.
Comments
I have a very close friend now and we are continuing the relationship for the last 20 years. We are there for each other when ever there is a need. But the beauty lies in the fact that we never delve into the personal life of each other.I think that is the success of that relationship.
good analytical style you have :)
I have two really good friends. Apart from Hubby, they are the two people who know most about me, they have seen me at my worst as well as at my best, I would be truly lost without them.
Good one about the human relations..yes, every relation that is existing today is meant to change..every one including family and frnds..
we should never take any one for granted..and that makes the life beautiful..:)
Good read...analysis is interesting...
I do not agree that women share the secrets of their ex friends....men do exactly the same,so why blame the women.We are all same because we look for some benefits from the friendship,which always never pays.
However,good thoughtful post.
@Chitra: Yes, I think change does happen over the years and that is why we can't sustain the same level of closeness with all friends but we can do so with one or two people in a lasting way.
@Chow and Chatter: Thanks!
@Petty: It's so good to hear about your friendship. I think that is so important to our life.
@Anam: Thanks for the sweet words.I know what you mean about sisters bit. Same at my end. My sister and I are best friends and we stick up for one another through tough times and of course, the good times too.
@Pramoda: Yes, I think your point is valid. We should never take anyone for granted.
@Lavanya: I liked the point you stated 'we need the commitment and the maturity to handle friendship.' That's really important.
@storyteller: Thanks, yes, minimizing conflict is a good point. I also liked your point about how we tend to take blood ties for granted. It happens without our knowledge most times but yes, we do it all the time, don't we?
@BK Chowla: Thanks for sharing your thoughts, it is interesting. Parents are our Gods, arent they? They support and add meaning to our life from the day we are born till forever. I am not sure we can do a comparison between parents and friends here for the same reason.
@Science Blogger: Thanks
@Haven and Home: It is very nice to hear that you've made good friends there, touchwood.
@Swati: Your comment was very interesting and thought provoking and I hope you don't mind me disagreeing with some points.
True, we spend good times with a lot of friends. But when you look back or introspect, I agree that not all are real friends. Still, I treasure those friendships because it taught me something during the good and abd moments. I learned something about myself through those temporary friendships too. Because all friendships leave something behind for us to treasure or grow into or learn from.
As you rightly stated, real friendships sustain after a long time - they shine forever so their value cannot be undermined.
To be honest, I have great love for all my friends, even if I knew them for a very short time, I remember them for all the good things I learned from them and the good, fun moments too.
@Lesser Child: Thanks!