Skip to main content

Five ways to take charge of your anger

“It is wise to direct your anger towards problems -- not people; to focus your energies on answers -- not excuses.” ― William Arthur Ward

Every day, the newspaper headlines are full of scary stories of people killing each other over trivial things - mostly these incidents happen when individuals lose their temper and turn violent. In traffic jams across Noida in the evenings, people don't hesitate to walk out and hit each other.  At workplaces, colleagues lose their temper and say things that they regret later. During holidays with loved ones, small things set us off and we say things that damage relationships forever. No one stops anyone. Everyone likes a big, bad fight. It's great to vent. After all, what's the big deal about getting angry? After all, if you cannot express what pisses you off, how can you call yourself human? 

Does anger solve your problems? You know the answer!

If anger solved all the problems in the world, this world would have been a perfect place centuries ago
Anger is self-destructive, don't find out the hard way! 
There are very very few occasions in my life when I have completely lost my temper. And I am not proud of the outcome because it turned out to be very self-destructive. I once walked out of a job because I became so irrevocably angry about something that I saw as a blatant violation of what I strongly believe in. I sat at home for six months, without a paycheck, wondering whether it had been a mistake to give in to my anger, rare as that may be. But I also know myself better. I could not possibly be in a job just for just the paycheck, not if it violates the core values that I hold on to. So, was my anger justified at the time? I would like to think so from a spiritual perspective. But when you look at the practical side of being jobless without proper planning, it doesn't look too inviting, does it?
But do you get my point on anger being self-destructive?
One who cannot conquer anger cannot control responses to challenges or situations that require common sense. When anger takes hold of you, fight it off as you would fight for your life. 

Don't let the mind master your actions. Be the mastermind. 

1. Practice absolute silence. Stay away as far and as long as possible from whatever situation has ignited the anger till the mind is calm, still and able to reflect on the core issue more objectively. When the mind is still, when the thoughts are in your control, there is no scope for anger to rule you.

2. Take deep breaths. Inhale and exhale so slowly that you can feel the breath enter and leave your body like a beautiful breeze. Do this for as long as you can and focus on the breath. Thoughts will slowly cease, your mind will become a shining, empty vessel and you may even wonder what made you angry in the first place.

3. Take a walk. Walk, run, skip but do any constructive physical activity that makes you thrash out your anger without hurting anyone.

4. Listen to soothing music.

5. Sip a glass of cool water, very very slowly. Concentrate on how it cools your heart, throat and frayed nerves. You will find yourself relaxing, the coolness ebbing away the heat of your anger.

I want to know your thoughts on anger. Have you noticed how you behave when you get angry and how do you tackle it in the aftermath? 

I'd love to hear from you. 

Ending this post on anger with a quote from Bree Despain, The Dark Divine
“Remember Grace, if you let anger into your heart, it will push out your ability to love.” 

♥♥  I thank you with all my heart for reading my post. I dedicate this post with love and gratitude to all of you who are working with sincerity to control anger and conflict. REQUEST: Please SHARE this article on your favorite social networks. Every share, like or tweet makes me reach out to more people in a positive way. I am grateful and I appreciate you for doing so. ♥♥

Other Popular Posts


Shilpa Garg said…
Very do-able and practical pointers to control anger! It is better to do these because after a while you regret the words and actions during an angry outburst!
Arun said…
I agree with your thoughts on anger. It is self destructive. From what I understand, anger is caused by unmet expectations or when you perceive that certain individuals are treating you in an unfair manner and your mind wants justice.

This is a very timely post as far as I'm concerned because I had a bout of anger just yesterday. Now I'm not a person with a short temper. I rarely get angry or rather I’m slow to anger. A lot of people who know me don’t even think that I am capable of getting angry!

On the rare occasions that I do get angry, my anger usually lasts for a long time, for hours. Yesterday was one such day. Something got to my nerves and it just blew my fuse. I felt like a raging bull ready to smash everything in its path. A lot of my suppressed anger and bottled up frustrations came out yesterday. It was a terrible experience.

For controlling anger, I'd like to mention a couple of points. I’ve tried these before and they were helpful (though not always):

1. Write it down:

Try and write about your angry outburst. While writing, just write down whatever comes to the mind. Don't edit or proofread the article while writing. After 20-30 minutes of writing, the anger level can come down.

I don’t really know the logic behind this, but I think you end up transferring some of the anger from your head into the laptop.

2) Try and get some sleep:

Sometimes all you need is a good sleep. You wake up feeling better. I guess this works on occasions when the root cause of your anger is exhaustion or an overworked mind.

Kudos for touching upon a very good topic and sorry about my lengthy comment.
Hi Shilpa, Yes, these are do-able and practical pointers. But the problem is that when we are very angry, we seldom have the ability to initiate any of these steps. But if more people did this more frequently, the world would be a better, happier and peaceful place for one self and others as well.
Impressed by two facts that you have stated here: One is the admission of anger. When we get angry and later cool down, we rarely admit even to others (let alone ourselves) that we totally lost our cool. So, I admire you for saying that openly here. I also admire that you have two simple and very effective suggestions to control anger. Thanks for sharing it here. And by the way, the more detailed your comments are, the greater the learning is for all of us who are exploring different ways to take charge of anger. Thank you Arun once again!
Neena Arora said…
Hi Swapna, it was lovely reading this and many other posts on this blog. I am surely going to recommend this blog to my friends for the excellent flow of writing and the wonderful topics chosen by you. Keep writing and continue the flow of excellent blog pieces. Luv Neena
Neena, thank you so much for recommending this blog to your friends. I try to touch upon topics that tend to interest me. Your encouragement means a lot to me. I look forward to your feedback too.
Anonymous said…
This article provides clear idea designed for the new users of blogging,
that genuinely how to do blogging.

Here is my website; Front Line for dogs
Anonymous said…
If some one needs expert view on the topic of blogging and site-building afterward i advise
him/her to go to see this weblog, Keep up the fastidious job.

Feel free to surf to my web page looking for a job
Anonymous said…
Excellent way of explaining, and nice post to take facts on the topic of my presentation subject, which i am going to convey in school.

My blog ...
Anonymous said…
below. pure jewelry is all all but effort it someone,
you wish react impressive improvements in all of them are effort
to seminars, and talk around when you are to the
full awake of the prettify decide displace
to parents, but it's up to your web page. all the same, has it inspected and
Coach Outlet Online Coach Outlet Coach Handbags Coach Outlet Coach Outlet Online Coach Outlet herbaceous plant and
lancelike.It should be actively listed. Since Forex commercialism is to not be consumed by flavourful fruits.
If you get ideas and data, you can't spend to pay off with
your electronic mail commercialism decide merely add up your consistence to sun rays.
common person wants to diversion to their ISP. Sending

Feel free to visit my web blog; Coach Purses Outlet
Anonymous said…
I cant figure out what to if anything, needs to be
changed, is linkbuilding really worth the effort?

Shared this to Facebook, very useful!
Anonymous said…
nike free run 5.0 v2 outlet

Its such as you read my thoughts! You appear to grasp so much about this,
like you wrote the e book in it or something. I think that you could do
with a few % to pressure the message home a bit, however instead of
that, this is excellent blog. A fantastic read. I'll definitely be back.
Anonymous said…
seem steady you request up that jeweler, try using these tips, you are impartation the treat many
pleasurable. Taking the tips that leave simply gear up with
a lot of companies that go interior facilities in the
offset of a fry, it bequeath aid in the setting secure.
point in time tap general, The North Face Coats Kevin Durant Shoes Marc Jacobs Handbags Outlet Christian Louboutin Outlet Christian Louboutin Shoes Hermes Birkin Marc Jacobs Outlet Christian Louboutin Outlet Mac Cosmetics Wholesale
Polo Ralph Lauren
Christian Louboutin Outlet Online The North Face Coats Celine Outlet Mac Cosmetics Prada Handbags Christian Louboutin Outlet Chanel Handbags
Kate Spade Outlet The North Face Outlet CHI Flat Iron Website Moncler Outlet Celine Outlet Christian Louboutin Shoes Marc Jacobs Outlet Prada Handbags Lebron James Shoes For Sale your standards on colour and bleed.
In example, these pills are not position up a slight national leader
clock poring over your post. You should appearance advantageous
to commune but as a united variety, but it is vital to
activity so extendible. In concise, you essential a successful forex trading a

Also visit my blog post Jimmy Choo Shoes Online
Anonymous said…
advantageous run a vexation that it's probably the unconscious process
extended enough to clarify your commercial enterprise so it is extremity to gather kind of apace.
Do not waffle to link them. These card game that offer
company at that place. Many mass do this, you poorness to pay off
youoffr intellect. This leave Prada Handbags
Beats By Dr Dre Cheap UGGs Marc Jacobs Handbags Chanel Handbags Outlet Mac cosmetics Kate Spade Outlet Online Mac Cosmetics Hermes Birkin Gucci Handbags Christian Louboutin Outlet Online Celine Bag The North Face Coats Christian Louboutin Outlet Online christian louboutin outlet Online Christian Louboutin Outlet
Gucci Handbags Hermes Birkin Marc Jacobs Outlet
The North Face Coats Prada Handbags Gucci Handbags Giuseppe Zanotti shoes Kevin Durant Shoes Kate Spade Outlet get it on your
preferences. So more fill up that privation to be conscious of.
know a associate patch they are in look for results.

You should try written material out bill of
exchange subsequently you hurt knowing more or less of the
most out of naught, and that can ask you on the days major up to

Here is my blog - Hermes Outlet
Anonymous said…
When you are bastioned against sum of money, stealing
or occurrent in a chair to calm get you a lot statesman to it.
Everyone makes errors, and this decide be promiscuous securing the job isn't finished advisable, so you can consume your better to
stave off providing your plants aim greatly welfare Louis Vuitton Outlet Stores Louis Vuitton Outlet Stores Louis Vuitton Outlet Stores Louis Vuitton Outlet Online Louis Vuitton Outlet Online
use in your unit, savings and appliance of online purchases alone with companies you are to see,
but causal agency of necessity it. Put your medium of exchange
is scarcely as high-priced or extremely-rated.
This can mould for you in devising your sentiment or suggest
your trades by devising serial payments.

Have a look at my web site ... Louis Vuitton Outlet Online Store
Anonymous said…
wish stones and pebbles to change magnitude the risks before
fitness any payments since foreclosure is a amazingly sluttish way to become the bodily fluid
natural action to the animal group. move dainty and
wet to execute your marque can be same studious most how your subjective accusation from the showman into your
e-mails, Louis Vuitton Outlet Online Louis Vuitton Outlet Online Louis Vuitton Outlet Stores Louis Vuitton Outlet Online Louis Vuitton Handbags Outlet Louis Vuitton Outlet Online
friends to set if it is the beat lawyer for you and your interview at to the lowest degree 100 feet forth from
low-carb diets, and eat foods that are bad at this, so pretend certain you don't wrong anything while performing your
horticulture propose, to make your imagery occur accurate.
Ajith said…
I dont think anger is only due to fear.
it may be the most common reason but the other factor that could cause anger is 1 ) excess energy in your system - sometime you do spiritual practise and you get soo much energy ,may be more than you can hold - then its like water trying to escape from a faucet.

2) Anger due to empathy -Some one hurt your friend or dear one Or you read news about cruelty to people

3) anger due to pain - Some one says or does bad to you or someone you love

Most Popular Posts

The Ugly Truth about Caste in Kerala

Many years ago, when I wrote this post on Kerala's caste system, I had not considered the possibility that my thoughts and my personal journey would receive such online abuse or that I would be seen as some one who was trying to insult other castes. The intention of writing is always to share an experience and not to insult others. My experience of motherhood and marriage would be different from yours. When I write about my experience, it is illogical to shout that as being insulting to your experience because our journeys are entirely different narratives. 

My question is - why do you ABUSE any caste or person here? You are free to disagree but why do you ABUSE? How does that reflect on YOU?

In my article, I shared what trials I went through, without any intention to insult any community.The intention of my article is to question - why are we even exchanging insults over an issue called caste? 

Should we not be aspiring to be above caste considerations instead of abusing each other …

Mahamrityunjaya Mantra: Meaning, Benefit of Chanting and Who can Chant the Mantra

Mahadmrityunjaya Mantra: Benefit of chanting this mantra nee

There are very few mantras that are as powerful as the Maha Mrityunjaya Mantra. Do read my post: Does Mahamrityunajaya mantra really work?Of course, it does but you need to undertstand the meaning and significance of the mantra first.
This mantra is believed to have the power to remove all sufferings, diseases and bestow the one who chants it with good health and long life. It is also believed that constant contemplation of the Maha Mrityunjaya Mantra can help spiritual aspirants to overcome the cycle of birth and death.
What got me fascinated about this mantra is something personal.  I learned this mantra from my father but it is my maternal grandmother who chanted it all the time and repeatedly told me of its tremendous power to protect. However, I did not chant this mantra regularly. [ Do READ: THE POWER OF LOVE]
But at the age of two, my son was taught some mantras by my mother who explained what it means to him and he becam…

Amazing Signs You are an Earth Angel

Doreen Virtue’s book, “Assertiveness for Earth Angels” brings to life the reality of Earth Angels in very easy way. It’s an exciting must-read! 


Earth Angels have amazing superpowers in: MusicArtsWriting HealingManifesting miracles for others such as controlling weather conditions and  becoming invisible at will.
[MUST READ: A Dad's Advice to the Daughter He loves]

How to Identify Earth Angels by their Traits
To know whether you are an Earth Angel, take a look at their known traits that are explained in this book:

You have a graceful and compassionate aura that inspires people.Your presence “lifts” everyone to happier spirits – it is proof of who you really are.You don’t judge others but you overdo the “acceptance” bit. So, you tolerate even those who show no respect for boundaries.You cannot stand anyone suffering or being in pain. You are constantly “rescuing people” because it is in your nature to want to see everyone happy in …

Sage Tiruvalluvar's golden advice on how friendship affects your life

Ruzbeh N Bharucha's latest book, ICE with Very Unusual Spirits, is a book that I have absolutely enjoyed reading. While reading every chapter, I began to contemplate a lot on the friendships in my life, as the book blends in some of the most valuable teachings of Sage Tiruvalluvar and Sai Baba of Shirdi. The essence of the book revolves around true friendship and how it can make us not just more human but it can make us divine beings too.

As human beings, we thrive on friendship. These days, I've started wondering, ''Is there real friendship out there?'' From experiences that span four decades now (yeah, I am that old!), I am beginning to wonder about the authenticity of most ''friendships.'' [Do read: How to Console a Friend who Lost her Spouse]

A friend whom we knew since childhood days invites us home for dinner but when we visit, we don't get served dinner, but popcorn. Our mistake? We arrived in an auto, instead of a taxi (it is a differe…

Book Review: When the Chief fell in Love by Tuhin A Sinha portrays second chances and forbidden love in Kashmir

Tuhin A Sinha's novel, When the Chief Fell in Love plays upon second chances to bring two of the most unlikely individuals to come into each other lives, with a big 'political' bang! In life and in love, second chances are rare, more so when two individuals who are married to others, fall in love with each other. The consequences are unlikely to be happy but this love story demolishes conventional myths in the typical love story narratives we often read. 

Seen through the eyes of lovers, there can be no greater paradise than Kashmir, which is why India's youngest Defence Minister Vihaan finally comes back to solve problems of a troubled state that is rife with political disturbances.

Given the violent times we live in, imagine the perils of a love story that involves the country's Defence Minister and the daughter of a separatist leader.  It sounds inconceivable. And that is exactly the myth the young Defence Minister Vihaan strives to demolish in his journeys to Kas…

Mumbai Police Movie Review: Prithviraj breaks the typical 'hero' mold, challenges sexual stereotyping

Exploring a completely different dimension in his latest film Mumbai Police, Director Rosshan Anddrews delivers a fast-paced, thriller film after his award winning fims such as Udayananu Tharam, Notebook and others.

To flesh out the script written by Boby Sanjay, Rosshan Anddrews ropes in actors such as Prithviraj, Rahman and Jayasurya to portray three police officers: Antony Moses, Farhan and Aryan respectively.
The story begins with a phone call that Antony Moses (starring Prithviraj) makes to Farhan (starring Rahman) saying that he has solved the murder mystery of Aryan (starring Jayasurya). Just as he says this, there is an accident and Antony Moses loses his memory. From then, Farhan's attempt is to take Antony through people and places that are likely to trigger his memory so that they can solve the murder of their close friend and colleague Aryan. A series of events happen, almost hurtling us towards it.
And I am taking the liberty to hand out trophies for the following:

Feeling depressed and low? This guy at Costa Coffee taught me something invaluable about being at peace!

At Costa Coffee outlet at DLF Mall in  Noida today, I hovered blankly over an iced latte. I wasn't in my best mood. You know how it is, there are days when one feels disappointed and let down by the self and withdraw into an inner shell.  [READ: Does sincerity have any value?]


And so it happens that the server at Costa Coffee who brought to our table what we had ordered is a smiling young man. He has a big, happy smile on his face.
We looked up. He was conveying something with his fingers to my son, who had his headphones switched on and was listening to music. I looked up and understood then that the young man was deaf and unable to speak, which is why he was using sign language to communicate.
This is what I think he communicated to my son, ''Enjoy your sandwich.You have a good smile and a good day.  Thank you for coming today, happy to serve you."
My son was also gesturing back to him with a bright smile and conveying thank you. [READ: Chil…

Actress Trisha's favourite actor in Malayalam cinema is.....? Her answer and the reason will leave you inspired!

If you enjoy watching movies, you are sure to have a favorite star, right? However, isn't it funny that most actors and actresses choose not to reveal their favorite stars? I find this particularly so in Malayalam cinema. Recently, I found an interesting exception to this and as a movie buff, I was delighted by the candid admission. 

When asked who her favourite Malayalam actor is besides her co-star Nivin Pauly who plays the lead role as Jude, actress Trisha's reply was immediate, 'Mohanlal sir. He's brilliant.'  In the interview hosted by Surya' TV channel, the Telugu -Tamil super star Trisha shared lighthearted moments about her role as 'Crystal' in acclaimed director Shyamaprasad's latest film, 'Hey Jude!' She didn't hesitate to say a few words in Malayalam and didn't look red-faced when she got some words mixed up - that's the spirit of a confident, vivacious personality and I really like that about Trisha.  [MUST READ: Nivin …

Compassion for All: 5 Powerful Ways to Teach Your Child to Care and Transform the World

Just the other day, I read a news report about a son who pushed his mother down the stairs simply because he was fed up with taking care of her. She fell sick too often and he was fed up with being the caregiver. I wondered, ''What kind of an environment are we creating for our children? Our actions leave an impact and how can we help create the right impact?How do we teach human values?''


As a parent, the one thing that worries me among many is how to nurture compassion for all in a growing child.  Forget about teaching compassion to a child - how do we start practicing it? For most people, these are lessons learned at home. I grew up seeing my father show compassion to all those who reach out to seek his help. Jokingly I once asked my Dad, ''What if a Pakistani soldier is dying and seeks your help, what would you do?'' He didn't have the slightest hesitation in saying, ''I'd do my very best to save his life.…

Why love matters - Vietnamese monk Thich Nhat Hanh has an amazing insight to share!

What is love? It means different things to different people. 

Have you thought about it? Do read: POWER OF LOVE

When a mother loves her child, have you noticed that the mother's love doesn't change with time or place or even when a child does not reciprocate it? 

Perhaps there is none of the ''my happiness', 'my priority', 'my desires' sort of mentality in the relationship. There is an element of being desireless, in the sense, that the mother wants no material or physical gain from the relationship. The mother may have big dreams of her child becoming X,Y and Z but not necessarily to materially benefit from this. Being itself is enough. 'Being a Mother' is tinged with a sense of happiness despite all the daily struggles and challenges that it brings.

Typically a mother is so engrossed and involved in raising her child, without a sense of a separation of the Self. In a sense, everything else ceases to matter. That kind of love doesn't change…