Skip to main content

How to Stay Strong No Matter How It Hurts

Something in life always happens to shake your faith and make you confront your pain in all its rawness. You don't know where to go, whom to trust and talk it over with and it can break and toss you apart. It can hurt like hell. 

But there's one AMAZING person in my life whom I have not learned from - that's my mother. She has undergone tremendous pain in life. What I still haven’t figured out is, how did she remain so strong? 


Being Rooted to the Self
Unlike me, my mother is positive, confident and in control in crises. Little things delight and enchant me, the big things tend to overwhelm and break me. But that’s not how my mom is. She handles crises with ease, going with the flow and being rooted to her Self.

No Need for the Approval of Others
My mother doesn't feel the need to turn to others, even those closest to her, for comfort, solace or advice or love. She stays anchored in her harmony. In crises, I seek the approval and attention of those whom I trust. I tend to want their approval. Clearly, I am not there yet. My mom isn’t like that. She has a strong inner compass that teaches her to be emotionally self-reliant.

Power of Prayer                 
She never shows any anger, pain or fear to me or to the world outside. She never complains. But I know that she prays all the time, with love and confidence, not fear or uncertainty. 

Funny Side Up
At a time when my mother was not well and hospitalized, those who came to the hospital to visit my mom were stunned to see her ordering tea and snacks cheerfully for everyone. She laughed, joked and made light of the situation.

But I am not like that. When faced with challenging situations, I crumble. I turn to those whom I trust for support, but often feel misunderstood later. What I need to learn is this: You can't win the confidence of others when you don't feel confident about tackling your own crisis. You need to DECIDE TO BE STRONG without depending on others. 

We need to be strong for our own sake, no matter what it takes, no matter what people think or say, because no one else can experience our pain or our strengths the way we feel it. The transformation has to happen from within along with the awareness that each of us are divinely protected. We need nothing more to stay strong. 

How do you stay strong when faced with a crisis? Share your happiness mantra! 

Comments

Asha said…
I am so much like you swapna! i am very sensitive and easily get hurt and can't confront tough situations and problems. My mom, my husband, my mil and even my younger sister are so much like your mom. They have amazing willpower and endure the stress, tough situations. i am more like my dad.

These days i don't even turn to the above people for the simple reason i don't want to rub my pessimism and negativity to such nice people. but i am much mature to handle things these days. I leave it to my faith in Shirdi sai baba.

Will look for the posts you have linked.

BTw, it feels nice to read your posts, your thoughts are so genuine in this fake world.
Sangrywords said…
My mum sounds so much like yours .. but I guess sometimes we should let it go too ... but funny side up really does work Swapna ...
Vishnu said…
Hi Swapna - your mother sounds like a wonderful and strong woman who can handle the ups and downs of life well. sounds like she has all the right tools at her disposal (prayer, self-approval, crisis-resistance etc)

As you say, ultimately, we need to be strong for our own sake which probably means each of us has our journey to go through, to become the persons we are capable of. So while the journey is within, it's great to have great models to remind us what's possible and to show us how it's done. Having your mother around is a great example of what we can all be like and what to strive to be.

I think I too rely on faith in a crisis. And remember that this too will pass. And remember that I've made it through similar or worse situations and survived.
Avada Kedavra said…
"No Need for the Approval of Others' - is the best point in your list. But I have been successful in implementing this philosophy in my life.
Asha: Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and for your kind words....it perks me up to read such sincere, straight-from-the-heart words of wisdom!

Sangeeta Reghu: True. Funny Side Up gets my vote too, thanks dear:)

Vishnu: Thanks for sharing your thoughts. The real journey is within, as you rightly said, and this too shall pass. Yes, I know...I take my ray of hope from amazing friends like you:)

@Avada: Great! That's the way to go!

@JK: Thanks:)

Most Popular Posts

The Ugly Truth about Caste in Kerala

Many years ago, when I wrote this post on Kerala's caste system, I had not considered that people would start sending in abusive comments about one caste over the other. It baffles me that this is how Indians, all of us, continue to judge each other on account of caste differences.  [ READ: Guru Kripa: Powerful Lessons at the Lotus Feet ] My question is - why do you ABUSE any caste or community? I suggest that you read about the lives of great Masters and their stories - none of them judged anyone on the basis of caste.  You can read the life stories of Sri Adi Shankara Bhagawadpada, Tulsidas, Jnaneshwar, Namadev, Sri Aurobindo, Sri Ramakrishna, Swami Paramahansa Yogananda, Shirdi Sai Baba, and many more Gurus in Sanathana Dharma. NONE of them endorse these caste hierarchies in Bhakti Marga. Assuming that Guru Sampradaya does not appeal to your sensibilities, do read this  new book 'Ants among Elephants' written by Sujatha Gidla, who writes about herself as being bor...

How do you light Deepam at home?

How do you light deepam at home? As a child, I loved watching the ritual of my grandmother lighting the deepam or the traditional lamp at home in the evenings. A sense of serenity accompanied her frail figure as she would carefully straighten every wick, dip it into the tiny puddle of oil and light the lamp. As my grandmother would read out the scriptures and chant the prayers, the fragrance of incense sticks and flowers added depth to the experience. In many Hindu homes nowadays, the lighting of the lamp (or the nilavilakku, as Malayalis refer to the traditional lamp in their homes) is not a regular practice. A lot of people have many questions around how to light deepam at home and which oil to use and so on. An important point to keep in mind - Maintain physical cleanliness and hygiene while lighting the lamp. Wear clean clothes while lighting the lamp. Frequently Asked Questions About Lighting Deepam at Home Collating most queries related to how to light the deepam at home, I'v...

Gayatri Mantra as Panchamukhi: Get it right or let it go

Most people do not understand the importance of chanting the Gayatri mantra because they are not aware of its power. It is only when I began to read Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba's teachings that I learned how sacred and powerful the chanting of the Gayatri mantra is.    The Vedas represent the breath of God. The Gayatri mantra is the very basis of the Vedas. Try not to undertake chanting the Gayatri mantra as a light endeavor or as a hobby. It has to be chanted with faith, discipline and purity of mind and body. Be steady with your sadhana if you want to reap the spiritual dividend associated with the Gayatri mantra  and never once hesitate once you decide to do it.  Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba said that the Gayatri Mantra is referred to as Pancha Mukhi, the Goddess with five faces that represent the five pranas or life forces. Here's more on it. .  Also read: The Power of OM   Chant the Gayatri Mantra correctly: Pause Five Times Here a...

Amazing Signs You are an Earth Angel

Doreen Virtue’s book, “Assertiveness for Earth Angels” brings to life the reality of Earth Angels in very easy way. It’s an exciting must-read!   Enjoyed reading this? Then,  do subscribe to my Substack newsletter! Who are Earth Angels? Earth Angels have amazing superpowers in: Music Arts Writing Healing Manifesting miracles for others such as controlling weather conditions and  becoming invisible at will. How to Identify Earth Angels by their Traits To know whether you are an Earth Angel, take a look at their known traits that are explained in this book: You have a graceful and compassionate aura that inspires people . Your presence “lifts” everyone to happier spirits – it is proof of who you really are. You don’t judge others but you overdo the “acceptance” bit. So, you tolerate even those who show no respect for boundaries. You cannot stand anyone suffering or being in pain. You are constantly “rescuing people” because it...

Saree Woes 2

Our earlier discussion on Saree Woes really perked up my spirits. A big thanks to all of you for pepping me up. Okay, here's the good news. There was an unexpected late night party that I had to attend in Gurgaon. To be honest, I haven't had the time or energy to attend any such parties after Adi was born. I was sure I wouldn't have the confidence to make conversation with the glitterati, let alone feel confident to carry off wearing a saree. This is one of those parties where you have to be dressed very formally. Well, at the end of a working woman's day, you hardly feel ready to attend one of these parties looking like a moron, right? So, with very little preparation and very few hours left, I called on all the gods in Heaven to help me look a little younger and prettier since I don't have the magic to look young all on my own. Although I was tempted to wear one of my awesome Kancheevaram treasures, I knew it would be very difficult to drape it without any h...