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How Parenting affects child behavior: Watching 'Bee Season' Taught Me Something Profound

It's been a rainy weekend and I loved being indoors, sipping piping hot chai to soothe my sore throat while watching some movies on Amazon Prime. The weather changes have added to my health woes and I was finding it difficult to breathe properly. Armed with books to read and movies to watch, I think I managed just fine. This weekend, I was watching The Bee Season starring Richard Gere (Alert: I just adore the man!), Juliette Binoche and Flora Cross, it struck me there are subtle yet profound takeaways for Indian families too. 


                                                                          [Source: ETV, Google]

For those who haven't watched "Bee Season" yet, it's about an American family that is falling apart. Saul is a Jewish scholar who has big dreams about training his daughter, Eliza through an ancient Jewish doctrine that can decode the mysteries of the Universe through the power of words. His passion soon turns into a full time obsession that rips apart the fabric of his family life. Those who love fast movies, beware! You may not find this movie too slow. But I liked it.

While watching the movie, I was reminded of a real life incident and it's still fresh in my mind.

A 'problem' child in my son's school flunked her exams and she has no other choice but to repeat the academic year in the same class with children who had been her juniors. She still has her lunch breaks with the classmates who are now one class ahead of her. She is unable to hang out with her juniors and they don't see her as one of them. And when teachers tried to sort it out, the root cause of her poor performance and depressed state of mind turned out to be the fact that her parents are divorced. 

She felt lost. But nobody knew. 

[READ: A Dad's Advice to the Daughter He loves]

That's exactly the tragedy that unfolded in The Bee Season too. And it holds out a big lesson for all parents who unknowingly mess up not just their lives but that of their children too.

The best part in The Bee Season was not the ending, but powerfully delivered in a dialogue told to the little girl called Eliza by a hotel attendant, "Nobody's mother ever wanted them to win something for them."

While this sounds very judgmental, it also shows me why so many kids are behaving 'messed up' these days. They have to deal with the parents who demand that they excel at every subject, bring home the best grades and not be 'second' to anyone and worse, the parents hardly spend an hour with the child to understand what it feels like to be in the child's shoes!

Result? We create a tech-savvy, clue less generation of kids with short attention span, behavioral issues, etc. As parents, we need to learn how to love our kids.


                                     [Source: Go Yogananda Facebook Page]


In a recent conversation I had with the parents of my son's classmates and we were talking about where to go for summer vacations, I mentioned that my son is going to Kochi, which is our home town. Their response was, "We never go anywhere for summer, we stay in Delhi." 

DO READ: Jodhpur Trip - My Room Without a Roof 


I was curious to know why since they are from Punjab and their aged parents are also living there. 

Their response was, "Our son doesn't like our home town. He doesn't like to be with either set of grandparents. He hates our ancestral place. There's nothing there for him."

So, I said, "But his grandparents are there, right?"

The parent said, "We try our best to convince him but he doesn't like to stay with his grandparents. He finds the place and surroundings.....'rural.'"

The word 'rural' came out like a wound. The hurt in the eyes of the parent was evident.

Rural grandparents. Rural ancestral place. You can picture it, right?

[DO READ: How to Travel with Family and Create the Happiest Memories]


"So, what does he do during summer vacations," I asked.

"He sits in his room, does something or the other on a computer all day and he won't step out even if we want to get his room cleaned," his mother told me.

None of us are perfect. Everyone seems to be messed up in their own worlds.


The words,  "Nobody's mother ever wanted them to win something for them," are the wisest words said ever to a child. It hovers like a bee in my mind.

You want to know why?

If you are a parent truly and deeply, you will understand.

Now, I have a question for you: Have you watched any movie recently that inspired you to think differently? 

Do talk to me about it in the comments section. I'd love to hear from you.
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