Conversation with a friend: How to deal with the death of a loved one and Three Lessons I learned

The simplest lessons are always the toughest to learn. This December, a classmate passed away and I was totally shocked to hear the news. Another shock came my way. I heard that another classmate's husband had passed away and when I received the news, I felt very deeply for her.

[Image: Pexels.com]

1. Reach Out, Show You Care and Be Honest

For me, my classmate is someone whom I had shared countless jokes and conversations with when we were young. Our conversations and happy moments have never faded though we have become different individuals with completely different journeys in life. So, yes, I plucked up the courage to call and show that I am with my friend through this moment of grief. The experience of the conversation we had humbled me like a lesson of life and the blessing was that I felt much lighter within.

2. Honour the need of others to grieve in their way

I believe that the ''body'' alone perishes but not the soul. I don't offer my beliefs to those who are in grief unless they ask for my experience. Renowned Himalayan masters like Sri Paramahansa Yogananda, Swami Rama and Sri M have said this too. Famous Indian writer R.K.Narayan, in a personal conversation with Justice V.R.Krishna Iyer, revealed that his novel ''The English Teacher'' was a fictionalised account of his ''real'' conversations with his late wife. There are also individuals like Nan Umrigar and Aarti Raheja, who have documented their experiences in communicating with their loved ones after death. For most people, this may sound like rubbish. We need to honor their need to grieve in their own way.

3. Listen with an Open Heart, Don't Judge

No one wants any one's ''judgment'' at a time like this - in fact, it is insensitive to even say things like, ''Don't worry, you are young and Time will heal this.'' How do we even assume that Time will heal another's grief? Listen with an open heart, make no assumptions but offer your love in simple, practical ways. We need to honor their need to grieve in their own way.

[Do READ: A Dad's Advice to the Daughter He loves]

FOLLOW MY BOARDS ON PINTEREST

In a beautiful, thought-provoking essay, Mirra (later, revered as The Mother), wrote:

''My heart has suffered and cried, on the point of breaking under the weight of a too heavy sorrow, sinking under a pain too strong...But I have called to Thee, Divine Consoler, I have prayed ardently, and the Splendour of Thy Light has appeared and reanimated me.''

In grief-stricken moments when there doesn't seem to be a respite from the crushing pain, we can only look to the inner Light to shine its Splendour on us.

Comments

Most LOVED Posts

Best time to light diya

Want to know when is the best time to light diya or deepam at home? In most Hindu homes, 'deepam' or 'diya' is lit at least twice - once in the morning and then in the evening. For both times, brass is considered to be auspicious for lighting deepam or lamp at home. Clay diyas are also considered auspicious for lighting at home. When lighting diyas on Fridays, it is better to use ghee than oil, if possible. [ Connect with Svara on Facebook ] [Read: Vidyarambham - The Labyrinth Within] When Should I Start Lighting Diyas? The symbolic shift begins from darkess to light. Therefore, in the evenings, light diya before sunset to usher in divine blessings into your home. At what time should we light diya today? Every morning at sunrise and every evening before or at sunset. An ideal time would be to light the diya at least half an hour before sunset. Can we light diya after 12 PM? In Hindu homes, the diya is lit early morning at around sunrise and towards evening sunset. Can ...

The Ugly Truth about Caste in Kerala

Many years ago, when I wrote this post on Kerala's caste system, I had not considered that people would start sending in abusive comments about one caste over the other. It baffles me that this is how Indians, all of us, continue to judge each other on account of caste differences. [ READ: Guru Kripa: Powerful Lessons at the Lotus Feet ] My question is - why do you ABUSE any caste or community? I suggest that you read about the lives of great Masters and their stories - none of them judged anyone on the basis of caste. You can read the life stories of Sri Adi Shankara Bhagawadpada, Tulsidas, Jnaneshwar, Namadev, Sri Aurobindo, Sri Ramakrishna, Swami Paramahansa Yogananda, Shirdi Sai Baba, and many more Gurus in Sanathana Dharma. NONE of them endorse these caste hierarchies in Bhakti Marga. Assuming that Guru Sampradaya does not appeal to your sensibilities, do read this new book 'Ants among Elephants' written by Sujatha Gidla, who writes about herself as being bor...

How do you light Deepam at home?

How do you light deepam at home? As a child, I loved watching the ritual of my grandmother lighting the deepam or the traditional lamp at home in the evenings. A sense of serenity accompanied her frail figure as she would carefully straighten every wick, dip it into the tiny puddle of oil and light the lamp. [ Let's Connect on Facebook ] As my grandmother would read out the scriptures and chant the prayers, the fragrance of incense sticks and flowers added depth to the experience. In many Hindu homes nowadays, the lighting of the lamp (or the nilavilakku, as Malayalis refer to the traditional lamp in their homes) is not a regular practice. A lot of people have many questions around how to light deepam at home and which oil to use and so on. An important point to keep in mind - Maintain physical cleanliness and hygiene while lighting the lamp. Wear clean clothes while lighting the lamp. The most essential factor is unwavering focus and concentration when you light the lamp every eve...

Does something bad happen if the diya goes off?

Is it bad if a diya goes off? This is a frequently asked question among people who light the evening lamp or diya regularly in their puja room. [READ: How To Light Deepam at Home and Why Malayalis Light Nilavilaku ] [Image by Sachin Yadav @ Pixabay] Why Did My Lamp Suddenly Turn Off? Where there is faith, there should be no scope for fear - this is Bhagawan Krishna's message to Arjun on the battlefield of Kurukshetra. That represents strength of Bhakti. [READ: Bhakti: Meera's Greatest Wealth] Consider another example in the tradition of Bhakti. When Prahlada, a young lad, is targeted by his own father, he remains calm under every situation. When he is thrown into the sea, the wise lad is reminded that the sea is the abode of Shriman Narayana. [ READ: Amazing Stories of Lord Shiva ] H...

Sorry Tales of Housework

Childhood days are the happiest days, aren't they? While growing up, I was such a lazy kid that I didn't help out in any chores a home. My mom would wake up early in the morning, bathe, do the pooja, make breakfast and lunch and then of course, my task was to eat as if nothing else matters. [READ: Learn to behave] [Image by Qimono, Pixabay] Of course, she would ask me to help her out and learn some basics but do you think I listened? Not seriously, I simply didn't. I used to tell her not to worry so much. I always felt there would be a magical lamp that would manifest and take care of everything when it was my turn to take care of a home. Her wise words "Start early, or else later you will find it difficult to manage simple chores in your home" always fell on my deaf and dumb ears. Those...

Petals!

Search This Blog