Skip to main content

Conversations with Friends: Can we stop being judgmental?

This summer vacation in Kochi, I caught up with some old friends and we exchanged real life stories – of pain, struggles, heartbreak. 

One friend began her conversation like this, “I filed for divorce. I couldn’t stand the cruelty any more. I thought that filing for a divorce would ruin my happiness. But I feel happier now, than I have ever been in my whole life. I am able to enjoy my life fully and freely, without any fears and with total confidence.”

I felt the happiness in her voice. And for the first time in my life, I didn’t feel sad to hear the word ‘divorce.’

And then she said something thought-provoking, “People around me make comments when they see that I am not suffering, lamenting or ashamed of having filed for divorce. They make assumptions and shallow comments about me even after knowing all that I’ve been through...why is it that we have become an ‘educated’ society that thrives on comparisons and wants to see others ‘unhappy’ – i don’t understand it.”

Good point.




If we cannot empathize with others, can we not at least stop judging them or resenting them for their happiness? They have gone through pain, struggles and heart breaking moments.  

Does it help any one to feel happy about some one else's pain?
Labels:

Comments

Vishnu said…
I think people do it to feel better about their own situations.

I'm glad to see this post as I've written about a similar topic of going through difficulty situation and having others opinions, judgments on the matter. It's an important issue that serves no benefit to the judger and make's the person who has suffered through a difficult event, feel even worse.
June 1, 2015 at 8:26 AM
Swapna Raghu Sanand said…
Dear Vishnu, it's good to know that you also feel strongly about this just as i do. Sometimes I think we go overboard with "judging" everyone else but ourselves....! If we put in at least half of the effort that we do in judging others into improving ourselves, we would all be such perfectly humane beings.
June 12, 2015 at 10:49 PM
Philip Verghese 'Ariel' said…
Hi Swapna,
Good to be here today via Baggout.com
Congrats for the selection among the top 13
My page too have been selected in the list.
Nice to meet you too.
Yes, in our society this is a common trend
that people enjoy watching the painful situation
of others!
It is indeed a sad trend to be stopped, yes, we
the writers can surely make an awareness about its
bad effect on individuals.
Keep sharing your valuable thoughts and ideas thru
these pages,
Will come again to check more
May you have a great time ahead
Keep informed
Best Regards
June 16, 2015 at 11:47 PM
Swapna Raghu Sanand said…
Hi Ariel,

Thanks so much for sharing your lovely thoughts here. Congrats on being one of the rock star writers on Baggout.com. I too look forward to reading your blogposts!
June 17, 2015 at 11:25 PM
Post a Comment

Most LOVED Posts

Saree Woes 2

Our earlier discussion on Saree Woes really perked up my spirits. A big thanks to all of you for pepping me up. Okay, here's the good news. There was an unexpected late night party that I had to attend in Gurgaon. To be honest, I haven't had the time or energy to attend any such parties after Adi was born. I was sure I wouldn't have the confidence to make conversation with the glitterati, let alone feel confident to carry off wearing a saree. This is one of those parties where you have to be dressed very formally. Well, at the end of a working woman's day, you hardly feel ready to attend one of these parties looking like a moron, right? So, with very little preparation and very few hours left, I called on all the gods in Heaven to help me look a little younger and prettier since I don't have the magic to look young all on my own. Although I was tempted to wear one of my awesome Kancheevaram treasures, I knew it would be very difficult to drape it without any h...
33 comments
Read more

Thank You for the Kreativ Award

Lord, thank you for your love and grace in every moment of my life and for finding me worthy of this award.  A big thanks to Nivedita for this Award. I don't know if I deserve it but you make me feel that I do. You, the reader, helped me improve through every post. Your feedback and suggestions motivated me to write in the only manner that I know: from the heart. Thank you all for the love and patience. A big thanks to all my Twitter friends who have placed their trust in me and humbled me with their overwhelming support, friendship and acts of kindness. As the rules for accepting this blog award make it necessary for me to share 7 facts about myself, here we go: 1. Kochi is my favorite city. It's in my soul 24X7. 2. I dislike certain traits in people such as dishonesty/corruption, boasting, constantly finding fault or being judgmental about others to camouflage their own faults, leading purposeless but extravagant lifestyles and taking advantage of friendships for wrong...
21 comments
Read more

What's Your Favorite Cake?

Khan Market is one of my favorite places, not only because it is a place where stories can be plucked from people's conversations and mannerisms but this is an amazing hub for food lovers. You can find all types of food that is sure to appeal to your sense of taste. Here is a yummy walnut cake from Sugar&Spice. From the moment you enter their store, you will find yourself bumping into either foreigners looking through different types of cheese (Belgian, French, Danish etc) or Indians who pretend to be just like the foreigners wearing those outrageously expensive 'phoren' perfumes and even sounding like them! God, when will we learn to respect being us, I really don't know, but I couldn't resist this walnut cake. It has a slightly nutty flavors and isn't all that sweet but if you like tasting exotic stuff, this one's for you so have it! What's your favorite cake? Do you make it or buy it? Tell me all about it.
22 comments
Read more

5 Things That Make me Cry

 1. Memories (some hurt, some soothe and some teach in a way it can never be replicated) 2. Demise of a specially loved one. [Read: Old Souls, Going Back Home] 3. Being away from my parents. 4. A truly bliss filled moment. 5. Listening to my favorite songs by my dearest Dasettan. (Dr. K.J Yeshudas). [READ: Remembering Ammumma and Watch Padmarajan's Films ] I've shared mine. Tell me yours .
20 comments
Read more

Best time to light diya

Want to know when is the best time to light diya or deepam at home? In most Hindu homes, 'deepam' or 'diya' is lit at least twice - once in the morning and then in the evening. For both times, brass is considered to be auspicious for lighting deepam or lamp at home. Clay diyas are also considered auspicious for lighting at home. When lighting diyas on Fridays, it is better to use ghee than oil, if possible. [ Connect with Svara on Facebook ] [Read: Vidyarambham - The Labyrinth Within] When Should I Start Lighting Diyas? The symbolic shift begins from darkess to light. Therefore, in the evenings, light diya before sunset to usher in divine blessings into your home. At what time should we light diya today? Every morning at sunrise and every evening before or at sunset. An ideal time would be to light the diya at least half an hour before sunset. Can we light diya after 12 PM? In Hindu homes, the diya is lit early morning at around sunrise and towards evening sunset. Can ...
Post a Comment
Read more