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Conversations with Friends: Can we stop being judgmental?

This summer vacation in Kochi, I caught up with some old friends and we exchanged real life stories – of pain, struggles, heartbreak. 

One friend began her conversation like this, “I filed for divorce. I couldn’t stand the cruelty any more. I thought that filing for a divorce would ruin my happiness. But I feel happier now, than I have ever been in my whole life. I am able to enjoy my life fully and freely, without any fears and with total confidence.”

I felt the happiness in her voice. And for the first time in my life, I didn’t feel sad to hear the word ‘divorce.’

And then she said something thought-provoking, “People around me make comments when they see that I am not suffering, lamenting or ashamed of having filed for divorce. They make assumptions and shallow comments about me even after knowing all that I’ve been through...why is it that we have become an ‘educated’ society that thrives on comparisons and wants to see others ‘unhappy’ – i don’t understand it.”

Good point.




If we cannot empathize with others, can we not at least stop judging them or resenting them for their happiness? They have gone through pain, struggles and heart breaking moments.  

Does it help any one to feel happy about some one else's pain?
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Comments

Vishnu said…
I think people do it to feel better about their own situations.

I'm glad to see this post as I've written about a similar topic of going through difficulty situation and having others opinions, judgments on the matter. It's an important issue that serves no benefit to the judger and make's the person who has suffered through a difficult event, feel even worse.
June 1, 2015 at 8:26 AM
Swapna Raghu Sanand said…
Dear Vishnu, it's good to know that you also feel strongly about this just as i do. Sometimes I think we go overboard with "judging" everyone else but ourselves....! If we put in at least half of the effort that we do in judging others into improving ourselves, we would all be such perfectly humane beings.
June 12, 2015 at 10:49 PM
Philip Verghese 'Ariel' said…
Hi Swapna,
Good to be here today via Baggout.com
Congrats for the selection among the top 13
My page too have been selected in the list.
Nice to meet you too.
Yes, in our society this is a common trend
that people enjoy watching the painful situation
of others!
It is indeed a sad trend to be stopped, yes, we
the writers can surely make an awareness about its
bad effect on individuals.
Keep sharing your valuable thoughts and ideas thru
these pages,
Will come again to check more
May you have a great time ahead
Keep informed
Best Regards
June 16, 2015 at 11:47 PM
Swapna Raghu Sanand said…
Hi Ariel,

Thanks so much for sharing your lovely thoughts here. Congrats on being one of the rock star writers on Baggout.com. I too look forward to reading your blogposts!
June 17, 2015 at 11:25 PM
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