Before I became a mother, I was a busy, successful party-hopping editor. I came home only to crash and I didn't have a single boring 'at-home' weekend. And I kept FAR away whenever I saw kids....just as I did from domestic pets....not that the two are fair comparisons.
And when I was in the process of becoming a mother, I went cranky with worry.
Kept asking myself questions like:
Will I be a responsible, loving mother?
Will I feel that my baby tied me down to a routine that bogs me down?
I remember the exact moment when my baby, Adi was placed in my arms.
When the doctor placed Adi in my arms, I saw a red face that was shrieking in a way that would have made anyone wish to be tone-deaf....but the emotion that I felt at that moment was one of ocean-like love, may be much more.
I loved this tiny being with a fierceness that I didn't think could have existed in me...no wonder, it is said that when a baby is born, a mother is also born.
Every moment of watching a baby grow makes a mother experience Sath (truth), Chith (consciousness at the deepest level) and Ananda (Bliss).
Time flies but there are so many beautiful moments that mark motherhood. And here are some of my favorite ones:
Gazing at his sleeping face
Call this crazy but I have spent hours gazing into Adi's sleeping face and he looked so angelic, as all babies do.
Cuddling up with sloppy kisses
I still haven't got over this yet. I love kissing my baby and the way his face would sometimes scrunch up to look at me, unsure whether to be happy immediately or give out a good, healthy yell. I miss that as he grows up and acts like a big guy. He won't let me hug him in front of his friends - it's a 'guy' thing.
Sound of Music
When Adi was a baby, I would look into his eyes and sing continuously to him. He would listen with rapt attention. I used to sing old Malayalam melodies, English hymns and African English songs, bhajans, keerthans...and I always felt he enjoyed the sound of my music. He had that rapt expression that made my heart soar while I sang.
And just when you think you already know everything there is to know about being a mother, a series of events happen to make you doubt it.
Every mother goes through a world of emotions that no one outside of her inner circle would probably know about.
And as my son turns nine, I feel the same anxiety and happiness course through me as it did on the day he was born.
You see, no mom wants to let down her kid no matter what the odds are. And perhaps that's what makes mothers strong, vulnerable, powerful and wise - all at once!
The vulnerability of parenting is terrifying at most times.
But it's also about sharing joy, experiencing love and demonstrating the values you believe in.
As Joseph Chilton Pearce writes, "What we are teaches the child more than what we say, so we must be what we want our children to become."
And no matter what, every mom knows that secret truth: It's a magical feeling to be a MOTHER.