Skip to main content

How to Stay Strong No Matter How It Hurts

Something in life always happens to shake your faith and make you confront your pain in all its rawness. You don't know where to go, whom to trust and talk it over with and it can break and toss you apart. It can hurt like hell. 

But there's one AMAZING person in my life whom I have not learned from - that's my mother. She has undergone tremendous pain in life. What I still haven’t figured out is, how did she remain so strong? [Do read: Five Ways to Take Charge of Your Anger]


Being Rooted to the Self
Unlike me, my mother is positive, confident and in control in crises. Little things delight and enchant me, the big things tend to overwhelm and break me. But that’s not how my mom is. She handles crises with ease, going with the flow and being rooted to her Self.

No Need for the Approval of Others
My mother doesn't feel the need to turn to others, even those closest to her, for comfort, solace or advice or love. She stays anchored in her harmony. In crises, I seek the approval and attention of those whom I trust. I tend to want their approval. Clearly, I am not there yet. My mom isn’t like that. She has a strong inner compass that teaches her to be emotionally self-reliant.

Power of Prayer                 
She never shows any anger, pain or fear to me or to the world outside. She never complains. But I know that she prays all the time, with love and confidence, not fear or uncertainty. 

Funny Side Up
At a time when my mother was not well and hospitalized, those who came to the hospital to visit my mom were stunned to see her ordering tea and snacks cheerfully for everyone. She laughed, joked and made light of the situation.

But I am not like that. When faced with challenging situations, I crumble. I turn to those whom I trust for support, but often feel misunderstood later. What I need to learn is this: You can't win the confidence of others when you don't feel confident about tackling your own crisis. You need to DECIDE TO BE STRONG without depending on others. 

We need to be strong for our own sake, no matter what it takes, no matter what people think or say, because no one else can experience our pain or our strengths the way we feel it. The transformation has to happen from within along with the awareness that each of us are divinely protected. We need nothing more to stay strong. 

How do you stay strong when faced with a crisis? Share your happiness mantra! [If you liked reading this, do read my post on The Secret to all Happiness]

Comments

Asha said…
I am so much like you swapna! i am very sensitive and easily get hurt and can't confront tough situations and problems. My mom, my husband, my mil and even my younger sister are so much like your mom. They have amazing willpower and endure the stress, tough situations. i am more like my dad.

These days i don't even turn to the above people for the simple reason i don't want to rub my pessimism and negativity to such nice people. but i am much mature to handle things these days. I leave it to my faith in Shirdi sai baba.

Will look for the posts you have linked.

BTw, it feels nice to read your posts, your thoughts are so genuine in this fake world.
Sangeeta Reghu said…
My mum sounds so much like yours .. but I guess sometimes we should let it go too ... but funny side up really does work Swapna ...
Vishnu said…
Hi Swapna - your mother sounds like a wonderful and strong woman who can handle the ups and downs of life well. sounds like she has all the right tools at her disposal (prayer, self-approval, crisis-resistance etc)

As you say, ultimately, we need to be strong for our own sake which probably means each of us has our journey to go through, to become the persons we are capable of. So while the journey is within, it's great to have great models to remind us what's possible and to show us how it's done. Having your mother around is a great example of what we can all be like and what to strive to be.

I think I too rely on faith in a crisis. And remember that this too will pass. And remember that I've made it through similar or worse situations and survived.
Avada Kedavra said…
"No Need for the Approval of Others' - is the best point in your list. But I have been successful in implementing this philosophy in my life.
jk said…
NGDCs .. Maybe the confidence to show and share even works halfwaythru can be a route to better Quantum Solace .. Not very sure though ..

https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140715044510-342371447-linked-in-now-allows-me-publishing-in-its-platform?trk=prof-post

Asha: Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and for your kind words....it perks me up to read such sincere, straight-from-the-heart words of wisdom!

Sangeeta Reghu: True. Funny Side Up gets my vote too, thanks dear:)

Vishnu: Thanks for sharing your thoughts. The real journey is within, as you rightly said, and this too shall pass. Yes, I know...I take my ray of hope from amazing friends like you:)

@Avada: Great! That's the way to go!

@JK: Thanks:)

Most Popular Posts

Mahamrityunjaya Mantra: Meaning, Benefit of Chanting and Who can Chant the Mantra

There are very few mantras that are as powerful as the Maha Mrityunjaya Mantra. [ALSO READ: How to NEVER EVER GIVE UP on the spiritual path]

Mahamrityunjaya Mantra: Benefit of chanting this mantra
This mantra is believed to have the power to remove all sufferings, diseases and bestow the one who chants it with good health and long life. It is also believed that constant contemplation of the Maha Mrityunjaya Mantra can help spiritual aspirants to overcome the cycle of birth and death.
What got me fascinated about this mantra is something personal.  I learned this mantra from my father but it is my maternal grandmother who chanted it all the time and repeatedly told me of its tremendous power to protect. However, I did not chant this mantra regularly. 
But at the age of two, my son was taught some mantras by my mother who explained what it means to him and he became very enthusiastic about chanting the mantras. Following this, my mother taught him the Maha Mrityunjaya Mantra and he took to …

The Ugly Truth about Caste in Kerala

This post on Kerala's caste system has not been written with an intention to ridicule or glorify any caste as such. I do not ever judge or like to be judged on the basis of my caste. I do not support any form of caste discrimination because I know exactly how it feels to be treated differently because of one's caste. It isn't a great feeling.  

First Question is always "What is your Caste?" In Kerala, one of the first things you are bound to be asked by even new people you've just met is, "What is your caste?"  This is not a tirade against any caste but my experience, personally. And just for information, I have never used my caste name 'Menon' to this day. That is something I have learned from my father - who has never used 'Menon' in his name because he believes his destiny is shaped by values, vision and actions, not  by his caste.
As some one who is a Menon by birth, I can also tell you frankly that it often feels like a curse to be…

Amazing Signs You are an Earth Angel

Doreen Virtue’s book, “Assertiveness for Earth Angels” brings to life the reality of Earth Angels in very easy way. It’s an exciting must-read! [ALSO READ: How to NEVER EVER GIVE UP on the spiritual path]

Earth Angels have amazing super powers in: MusicArtsWriting HealingManifesting miracles for others such as controlling weather conditions &  becoming invisible at will
DO READ: ASK MORE, FEAR LESS.

How to Identify Earth Angels by their Traits
To know whether you are an Earth Angel, take a look at their known traits that are explained in this book:


You have a graceful and compassionate aura that inspires people.Your presence “lifts” everyone to happier spirits – it is proof of who you really are.You don’t judge others but you overdo the “acceptance” bit. So, you tolerate even those who show no respect for boundaries.You cannot stand anyone suffering or being in pain. You are constantly “rescuing people” because it is in your nature to want to see everyone happy in this world. But y…

Sarahah.com app: This is what I discovered after signing up!

Since last week, I have seen my friends on Facebook and Twitter talk about the feedback they received through Sarahah.com app. It got me curious.  As an introvert, I am curious about the world around me but I like to stick to my safety zone - which is my immediate family and a close bunch of friends. I was not sure whether to give Sarahah.com app a try. This is where I started mine: https://svaraa.sarahah.com/in case you want to share your feedback.


                         [Image; Pexels.com]

Curiosity is a strange thing - it is what got me hooked on to the spiritual path and the world of literary books. It is what makes me wake up every morning with a huge smile, even though I know that there may be a huge disaster to deal with at the corner.

Life is forever giving us new challenges, new moments - what's the fun if we don't find out the hard way? When we resist, we become boring to our own selves and we definitely stagnate from within.

Some people loved the feedback they receive…

Five ways to take charge of your anger

“It is wise to direct your anger towards problems -- not people; to focus your energies on answers -- not excuses.” ― William Arthur Ward
Every day, the newspaper headlines are full of scary stories of people killing each other over trivial things - mostly these incidents happen when individuals lose their temper and turn violent. In traffic jams across Noida in the evenings, people don't hesitate to walk out and hit each other. No one stops anyone. Everyone likes a big, bad fight. It's great to vent. After all, what's the big deal about getting angry? After all, if you cannot express what pisses you off, how can you call yourself human? 

[Source: Pixabay] Here's what I think: Anger is an egoistic projection of our own minds.  It also stems from an expectation that has not been fulfilled.

People who get angry easily do not respond to situations rationally.  It destroys them first before it goes out and delivers blows to others around. That is why spiritual masters ask peopl…

Happy Onam: Revisiting Memories of Onam Celebrations

Everyone’s watch is set to a different time and the earth revolves slowly or fast depending on the state of one’s heart. – Anjum Hassan (Difficult Pleasures)
The scent of Onam brings with it the secrecy of pain and the tumultuous, roller coaster sense of gradually heightening excitement. Looking back, memories flood back into my mind. Like firecrackers that light up the sky in a brilliant display and burn itself out into a shimmering incandescence, these memories stored safely in my mind turn alight. The memories push through the shadowy boundaries of nostalgia and make my heart flip over with a strange, inexplicable sliver of joy and pain.

So many Onams spring to life. Onam with my parents – where my mother would be busy in the kitchen preparing all the items for the sadhya without any one’s help in the kitchen. When she used to fry the banana chips, I would sneak in to steal some from the hot plate because I didn’t have the patience to wait till it cooled. I’d take some to my father w…

Why chant Ramayana during the month of Karkidakam

For Keralites across the world who follow the Malayalam calendar, today marks the beginning of the month of Karkidakam. This month, which, decades ago, was known and slightly feared for its torrential rains and negative impact on the health, wealth and well being of Kerala's rural community. 
Why chant Ramayana during Karkidakam To ward off the negative energy unleashed by Nature and its possible repercussions on one's family's overall well being, the wise elders introduced the timeless tradition of every family reading the Ramayana as an oral, spiritual tradition. Thus, it goes without saying that for Keralites who embrace these traditions, the act of reading the Ramayana is as much a spiritual cleansing as it is a kind of tradition they can pass on to bond with their loved family members, particularly children.
In the Ramayana, there is no 'preaching of principles' but you are taken through the Avatar's journey as a human being. Lord Rama depicts how a man shoul…