Wednesday, June 25, 2014

How to Stay Strong No Matter How It Hurts

Something in life always happens to shake your faith and make you confront your pain in all its rawness. You don't know where to go, whom to trust and talk it over with and it can break and toss you apart. It can hurt like hell. 

But there's one AMAZING person in my life whom I have not learned from - that's my mother. She has undergone tremendous pain in life. What I still haven’t figured out is, how did she remain so strong? [Do read: Five Ways to Take Charge of Your Anger]


Being Rooted to the Self
Unlike me, my mother is positive, confident and in control in crises. Little things delight and enchant me, the big things tend to overwhelm and break me. But that’s not how my mom is. She handles crises with ease, going with the flow and being rooted to her Self.

No Need for the Approval of Others
My mother doesn't feel the need to turn to others, even those closest to her, for comfort, solace or advice or love. She stays anchored in her harmony. In crises, I seek the approval and attention of those whom I trust. I tend to want their approval. Clearly, I am not there yet. My mom isn’t like that. She has a strong inner compass that teaches her to be emotionally self-reliant.

Power of Prayer                 
She never shows any anger, pain or fear to me or to the world outside. She never complains. But I know that she prays all the time, with love and confidence, not fear or uncertainty. 

Funny Side Up
At a time when my mother was not well and hospitalized, those who came to the hospital to visit my mom were stunned to see her ordering tea and snacks cheerfully for everyone. She laughed, joked and made light of the situation.

But I am not like that. When faced with challenging situations, I crumble. I turn to those whom I trust for support, but often feel misunderstood later. What I need to learn is this: You can't win the confidence of others when you don't feel confident about tackling your own crisis. You need to DECIDE TO BE STRONG without depending on others. 

We need to be strong for our own sake, no matter what it takes, no matter what people think or say, because no one else can experience our pain or our strengths the way we feel it. The transformation has to happen from within along with the awareness that each of us are divinely protected. We need nothing more to stay strong. 

How do you stay strong when faced with a crisis? Share your happiness mantra! [If you liked reading this, do read my post on The Secret to all Happiness]

6 comments:

Asha said...

I am so much like you swapna! i am very sensitive and easily get hurt and can't confront tough situations and problems. My mom, my husband, my mil and even my younger sister are so much like your mom. They have amazing willpower and endure the stress, tough situations. i am more like my dad.

These days i don't even turn to the above people for the simple reason i don't want to rub my pessimism and negativity to such nice people. but i am much mature to handle things these days. I leave it to my faith in Shirdi sai baba.

Will look for the posts you have linked.

BTw, it feels nice to read your posts, your thoughts are so genuine in this fake world.

Sangeeta Reghu said...

My mum sounds so much like yours .. but I guess sometimes we should let it go too ... but funny side up really does work Swapna ...

Vishnu said...

Hi Swapna - your mother sounds like a wonderful and strong woman who can handle the ups and downs of life well. sounds like she has all the right tools at her disposal (prayer, self-approval, crisis-resistance etc)

As you say, ultimately, we need to be strong for our own sake which probably means each of us has our journey to go through, to become the persons we are capable of. So while the journey is within, it's great to have great models to remind us what's possible and to show us how it's done. Having your mother around is a great example of what we can all be like and what to strive to be.

I think I too rely on faith in a crisis. And remember that this too will pass. And remember that I've made it through similar or worse situations and survived.

Avada Kedavra said...

"No Need for the Approval of Others' - is the best point in your list. But I have been successful in implementing this philosophy in my life.

jk said...

NGDCs .. Maybe the confidence to show and share even works halfwaythru can be a route to better Quantum Solace .. Not very sure though ..

https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140715044510-342371447-linked-in-now-allows-me-publishing-in-its-platform?trk=prof-post

Swapna Raghu Sanand said...

Asha: Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and for your kind words....it perks me up to read such sincere, straight-from-the-heart words of wisdom!

Sangeeta Reghu: True. Funny Side Up gets my vote too, thanks dear:)

Vishnu: Thanks for sharing your thoughts. The real journey is within, as you rightly said, and this too shall pass. Yes, I know...I take my ray of hope from amazing friends like you:)

@Avada: Great! That's the way to go!

@JK: Thanks:)

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