Skip to main content

Five ways to take charge of your anger


“It is wise to direct your anger towards problems -- not people; to focus your energies on answers -- not excuses.” ― William Arthur Ward

Every day, the newspaper headlines are full of scary stories of people killing each other over trivial things - mostly these incidents happen when individuals lose their temper and turn violent. In traffic jams across Noida in the evenings, people don't hesitate to walk out and hit each other. No one stops anyone. Everyone likes a big, bad fight. It's great to vent. After all, what's the big deal about getting angry? After all, if you cannot express what pisses you off, how can you call yourself human? 

                                                     [Source: Pixabay]
Here's what I think: Anger is an egoistic projection of our own minds.  It also stems from an expectation that has not been fulfilled.

People who get angry easily do not respond to situations rationally. 
It destroys them first before it goes out and delivers blows to others around. That is why spiritual masters ask people to watch their thoughts and to conquer their anger. 

Anger doesn't make you human. Compassion does 
If anger solved all the problems in the world, this world would have been a perfect place centuries ago. There is so much anger that is responsible for many dark, inhuman and violent acts that happen around us. When we sit back and analyze where this anger stems from, the root cause of it, you will feel amazed by the insights that it can bring us about what lies within us - dark, hidden and mysterious.

[Also read: How to NEVER EVER GIVE UP on the spiritual path]
Anger is self-destructive, don't find out the hard way! 
Those who know me personally would tell you that I almost never lose my temper. A former Boss in the book publishing industry used to introduce me as "Serene Buddha" to prospective authors. Reason? No matter what tantrums authors throw, I would keep cool, turn around a hostile situation and leave them smiling by the end of our discussion. That's always been the story of my life and my interactions with others.
There are very very few occasions in my life when I have completely lost my temper. And on those few occasions, the anger ended up being very self-destructive than anything else. I once walked out of a job because I became so irrevocably angry about something that I saw as a blatant violation of what I strongly believe in. I sat at home for six months, without a paycheck, wondering whether it had been a mistake to give in to my anger, rare as that may be. But I also know myself better. I could not possibly stick onto a job just for just the paycheck, not if it violates the core values that I hold on to. So, was my anger justified at the time? I would like to think so from a spiritual perspective. But when you look at the practical side of being jobless without proper planning, it doesn't look too inviting, does it?

But do you get my point on anger being self-destructive?
One who cannot conquer anger is one who is controlled by a false sense of identification with the Physical Self. When anger takes hold of you, fight it as you would fight for your life. Don't let the mind master your actions. Be the mastermind. Take charge of your anger. The few times that I have lost my temper, I know that I have also made mistakes that I would not make if I had thought it through with my usual sense of serenity.

[READ: How to NEVER EVER GIVE UP on the spiritual path]

Angry? Try this!

On the occasions when I do lose my cool, here are some things that work for me to keep it in my control:

1. Practice absolute silence. Stay away as far and as long as possible from whatever situation has ignited the anger till the mind is calm, still and able to reflect on the core issue more objectively. When the mind is still, when the thoughts are in your control, there is no scope for anger to rule you.

2. Take deep breaths. Inhale and exhale so slowly that you can feel the breath enter and leave your body like a beautiful breeze. Do this for as long as you can and focus on the breath. Thoughts will slowly cease, your mind will become a shining, empty vessel and you may even wonder what made you angry in the first place.

3. Take a walk. Walk, run, skip but do any constructive physical activity that makes you thrash out your anger without hurting anyone.

4. Listen to soothing music.

5. Sip a glass of cool water, very very slowly. Concentrate on how it cools your heart, throat and frayed nerves. You will find yourself relaxing, the coolness ebbing away the heat of your anger.

I want to know your thoughts on anger. Have you noticed how you behave when you get angry and how do you tackle it in the aftermath? 

I'd love to hear from you. 

Ending this post on anger with a quote from Bree Despain, The Dark Divine
“Remember Grace, if you let anger into your heart, it will push out your ability to love.” 

♥♥  I thank you with all my heart for reading my post. I dedicate this post with love and gratitude to all of you who are working with sincerity to control anger and conflict. REQUEST: Please SHARE this article on your favorite social networks. Every share, like or tweet makes me reach out to more people in a positive way. I am grateful and I appreciate you for doing so. ♥♥

Other Popular Posts

Comments

Shilpa Garg said…
Very do-able and practical pointers to control anger! It is better to do these because after a while you regret the words and actions during an angry outburst!
Arun said…
I agree with your thoughts on anger. It is self destructive. From what I understand, anger is caused by unmet expectations or when you perceive that certain individuals are treating you in an unfair manner and your mind wants justice.

This is a very timely post as far as I'm concerned because I had a bout of anger just yesterday. Now I'm not a person with a short temper. I rarely get angry or rather I’m slow to anger. A lot of people who know me don’t even think that I am capable of getting angry!

On the rare occasions that I do get angry, my anger usually lasts for a long time, for hours. Yesterday was one such day. Something got to my nerves and it just blew my fuse. I felt like a raging bull ready to smash everything in its path. A lot of my suppressed anger and bottled up frustrations came out yesterday. It was a terrible experience.

For controlling anger, I'd like to mention a couple of points. I’ve tried these before and they were helpful (though not always):

1. Write it down:

Try and write about your angry outburst. While writing, just write down whatever comes to the mind. Don't edit or proofread the article while writing. After 20-30 minutes of writing, the anger level can come down.

I don’t really know the logic behind this, but I think you end up transferring some of the anger from your head into the laptop.

2) Try and get some sleep:

Sometimes all you need is a good sleep. You wake up feeling better. I guess this works on occasions when the root cause of your anger is exhaustion or an overworked mind.

Kudos for touching upon a very good topic and sorry about my lengthy comment.
Hi Shilpa, Yes, these are do-able and practical pointers. But the problem is that when we are very angry, we seldom have the ability to initiate any of these steps. But if more people did this more frequently, the world would be a better, happier and peaceful place for one self and others as well.
Impressed by two facts that you have stated here: One is the admission of anger. When we get angry and later cool down, we rarely admit even to others (let alone ourselves) that we totally lost our cool. So, I admire you for saying that openly here. I also admire that you have two simple and very effective suggestions to control anger. Thanks for sharing it here. And by the way, the more detailed your comments are, the greater the learning is for all of us who are exploring different ways to take charge of anger. Thank you Arun once again!
Neena Arora said…
Hi Swapna, it was lovely reading this and many other posts on this blog. I am surely going to recommend this blog to my friends for the excellent flow of writing and the wonderful topics chosen by you. Keep writing and continue the flow of excellent blog pieces. Luv Neena
Neena, thank you so much for recommending this blog to your friends. I try to touch upon topics that tend to interest me. Your encouragement means a lot to me. I look forward to your feedback too.
Anonymous said…
This article provides clear idea designed for the new users of blogging,
that genuinely how to do blogging.

Here is my website; Front Line for dogs
Anonymous said…
If some one needs expert view on the topic of blogging and site-building afterward i advise
him/her to go to see this weblog, Keep up the fastidious job.


Feel free to surf to my web page looking for a job
Anonymous said…
Excellent way of explaining, and nice post to take facts on the topic of my presentation subject, which i am going to convey in school.



My blog ... followersshop.org/
Anonymous said…
below. pure jewelry is all all but effort it someone,
you wish react impressive improvements in all of them are effort
to seminars, and talk around when you are to the
full awake of the prettify decide displace
to parents, but it's up to your web page. all the same, has it inspected and
Coach Outlet Online Coach Outlet Coach Handbags Coach Outlet Coach Outlet Online Coach Outlet herbaceous plant and
lancelike.It should be actively listed. Since Forex commercialism is to not be consumed by flavourful fruits.
If you get ideas and data, you can't spend to pay off with
your electronic mail commercialism decide merely add up your consistence to sun rays.
common person wants to diversion to their ISP. Sending

Feel free to visit my web blog; Coach Purses Outlet
Anonymous said…
I cant figure out what to if anything, needs to be
changed, is linkbuilding really worth the effort?

Shared this to Facebook, very useful!
Anonymous said…
nike free run 5.0 v2 outlet

Its such as you read my thoughts! You appear to grasp so much about this,
like you wrote the e book in it or something. I think that you could do
with a few % to pressure the message home a bit, however instead of
that, this is excellent blog. A fantastic read. I'll definitely be back.
Anonymous said…
seem steady you request up that jeweler, try using these tips, you are impartation the treat many
pleasurable. Taking the tips that leave simply gear up with
a lot of companies that go interior facilities in the
offset of a fry, it bequeath aid in the setting secure.
point in time tap general, The North Face Coats Kevin Durant Shoes Marc Jacobs Handbags Outlet Christian Louboutin Outlet Christian Louboutin Shoes Hermes Birkin Marc Jacobs Outlet Christian Louboutin Outlet Mac Cosmetics Wholesale
Polo Ralph Lauren
Christian Louboutin Outlet Online The North Face Coats Celine Outlet Mac Cosmetics Prada Handbags Christian Louboutin Outlet Chanel Handbags
Kate Spade Outlet The North Face Outlet CHI Flat Iron Website Moncler Outlet Celine Outlet Christian Louboutin Shoes Marc Jacobs Outlet Prada Handbags Lebron James Shoes For Sale your standards on colour and bleed.
In example, these pills are not position up a slight national leader
clock poring over your post. You should appearance advantageous
to commune but as a united variety, but it is vital to
activity so extendible. In concise, you essential a successful forex trading a

Also visit my blog post Jimmy Choo Shoes Online
Anonymous said…
advantageous run a vexation that it's probably the unconscious process
extended enough to clarify your commercial enterprise so it is extremity to gather kind of apace.
Do not waffle to link them. These card game that offer
company at that place. Many mass do this, you poorness to pay off
youoffr intellect. This leave Prada Handbags
Beats By Dr Dre Cheap UGGs Marc Jacobs Handbags Chanel Handbags Outlet Mac cosmetics Kate Spade Outlet Online Mac Cosmetics Hermes Birkin Gucci Handbags Christian Louboutin Outlet Online Celine Bag The North Face Coats Christian Louboutin Outlet Online christian louboutin outlet Online Christian Louboutin Outlet
Gucci Handbags Hermes Birkin Marc Jacobs Outlet
The North Face Coats Prada Handbags Gucci Handbags Giuseppe Zanotti shoes Kevin Durant Shoes Kate Spade Outlet get it on your
preferences. So more fill up that privation to be conscious of.
know a associate patch they are in look for results.

You should try written material out bill of
exchange subsequently you hurt knowing more or less of the
most out of naught, and that can ask you on the days major up to

Here is my blog - Hermes Outlet
Anonymous said…
When you are bastioned against sum of money, stealing
or occurrent in a chair to calm get you a lot statesman to it.
Everyone makes errors, and this decide be promiscuous securing the job isn't finished advisable, so you can consume your better to
stave off providing your plants aim greatly welfare Louis Vuitton Outlet Stores Louis Vuitton Outlet Stores Louis Vuitton Outlet Stores Louis Vuitton Outlet Online Louis Vuitton Outlet Online
use in your unit, savings and appliance of online purchases alone with companies you are to see,
but causal agency of necessity it. Put your medium of exchange
is scarcely as high-priced or extremely-rated.
This can mould for you in devising your sentiment or suggest
your trades by devising serial payments.

Have a look at my web site ... Louis Vuitton Outlet Online Store
Anonymous said…
wish stones and pebbles to change magnitude the risks before
fitness any payments since foreclosure is a amazingly sluttish way to become the bodily fluid
natural action to the animal group. move dainty and
wet to execute your marque can be same studious most how your subjective accusation from the showman into your
e-mails, Louis Vuitton Outlet Online Louis Vuitton Outlet Online Louis Vuitton Outlet Stores Louis Vuitton Outlet Online Louis Vuitton Handbags Outlet Louis Vuitton Outlet Online
friends to set if it is the beat lawyer for you and your interview at to the lowest degree 100 feet forth from
low-carb diets, and eat foods that are bad at this, so pretend certain you don't wrong anything while performing your
horticulture propose, to make your imagery occur accurate.
It
Ajith said…
I dont think anger is only due to fear.
it may be the most common reason but the other factor that could cause anger is 1 ) excess energy in your system - sometime you do spiritual practise and you get soo much energy ,may be more than you can hold - then its like water trying to escape from a faucet.

2) Anger due to empathy -Some one hurt your friend or dear one Or you read news about cruelty to people


3) anger due to pain - Some one says or does bad to you or someone you love

Most Popular Posts

The Ugly Truth about Caste in Kerala

Many years ago, when I wrote this post on Kerala's caste system, I had not considered the possibility that my thoughts and my personal journey would receive such online abuse or that I would be seen as some one who was trying to insult other castes. The intention of writing is always to share an experience and not to insult others. My experience of motherhood and marriage would be different from yours. When I write about my experience, it is illogical to shout that as being insulting to your experience because our journeys are entirely different narratives. 

My question is - why do you ABUSE any caste or person here? You are free to disagree but why do you ABUSE? How does that reflect on YOU?

In my article, I shared what trials I went through, without any intention to insult any community.The intention of my article is to question - why are we even exchanging insults over an issue called caste? 

Should we not be aspiring to be above caste considerations instead of abusing each other …

Mahamrityunjaya Mantra: Meaning, Benefit of Chanting and Who can Chant the Mantra

There are very few mantras that are as powerful as the Maha Mrityunjaya Mantra. [ALSO READ: How to NEVER EVER GIVE UP on the spiritual path]

Mahamrityunjaya Mantra: Benefit of chanting this mantra
This mantra is believed to have the power to remove all sufferings, diseases and bestow the one who chants it with good health and long life. It is also believed that constant contemplation of the Maha Mrityunjaya Mantra can help spiritual aspirants to overcome the cycle of birth and death.
What got me fascinated about this mantra is something personal.  I learned this mantra from my father but it is my maternal grandmother who chanted it all the time and repeatedly told me of its tremendous power to protect. However, I did not chant this mantra regularly. [ Do READ: THE POWER OF LOVE]
But at the age of two, my son was taught some mantras by my mother who explained what it means to him and he became very enthusiastic about chanting the mantras. Following this, my mother taught him the Maha Mrity…

Amazing Signs You are an Earth Angel

Doreen Virtue’s book, “Assertiveness for Earth Angels” brings to life the reality of Earth Angels in very easy way. It’s an exciting must-read! 

[DO READ: The POWER OF LOVE]

Earth Angels have amazing superpowers in: MusicArtsWriting HealingManifesting miracles for others such as controlling weather conditions and  becoming invisible at will.[MUST READ: A Dad's Advice to the Daughter He loves]
http://petalsfromtheheart.blogspot.in/2017/09/a-dads-advice-to-daughter-he-loves-be.html


DO READ: ASK MORE, FEAR LESS.

How to Identify Earth Angels by their Traits
To know whether you are an Earth Angel, take a look at their known traits that are explained in this book:


You have a graceful and compassionate aura that inspires people.Your presence “lifts” everyone to happier spirits – it is proof of who you really are.You don’t judge others but you overdo the “acceptance” bit. So, you tolerate even those who show no respect for boundaries.You cannot stand anyone suffering or being in pain. You are co…

A Dad's advice to the daughter he loves: Be yourself, remember you are special and treasure your strengths

Just a week ago, Dad gave me a very emotional pep talk at the Bangalore airport. The good thing is that whenever I feel emotionally vulnerable or stressed out, I replay Dad's conversation. It lifts me up and instantly brings a huge smile to my face. That's my Dad - yeah! 




As a teenager, Bangalore used to be one of my favorite cities though the garden city was not as ''global'' and ''vibrant'' as it is today. It was a pretty cool place to go shopping for stylish accessories, not that I could splurge and go crazy with shopping but I could do so on a limited budget. So, I used to look forward to our summer trips to Bangalore, from where we would head out to Whitefield. 

The busy, broad streets, the scent of street food and the vibrant atmosphere had always perked me up every time I reached Bangalore. Be it heading to Puttaparthi or Whitefield, my parents and I have traveled to Bangalore so many times that it became a kind of ''routine'…

Gayatri Mantra as Panchamukhi: Get it right or let it go

Most people do not understand the importance of chanting the Gayatri mantra because they are not aware of its power. It is only when I began to read Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba's teachings that I learned how sacred and powerful the chanting of the Gayatri mantra is.
The Vedas represent the breath of God. The Gayatri mantra is the very basis of the Vedas. Try not to undertake chanting the Gayatri mantra as a light endeavor or as a hobby. It has to be chanted with faith, discipline and purity of mind and body. Be steady with your sadhana if you want to reap the spiritual dividend associated with the Gayatri mantra  and never once hesitate once you decide to do it.
Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba said that the Gayatri Mantra is referred to as Pancha Mukhi, the Goddess with five faces that represent the five pranas or life forces. Here's more on it.


Chant the Gayatri Mantra correctly: Pause Five Times Here are some important things to keep in mind while chanting the Gayatri mantra:

1. Wh…

Top 10 Skincare tips for Summer

Come summer, and we women worry a lot about how the sun lashes out on our skin. True, skincare tips for the summer are plenty but what about the hushed secrets - yes, those tried and tested family secrets that are passed on from mother to daughters? [ALSO READ: How to NEVER EVER GIVE UP on the spiritual path]




Here are some that are totally easy to do. Best of all, these are effective and bring on a feel-good factor in the peak of summer.

1. Replace water with rosewater. It keeps your skin luminous and fragrant throughout the day. It's a good toner too.

2. Cleanse your skin by combining these ingredients - honey, milk, rosewater/rosepetals and turmeric. Add a dash of olive oil and yes, it feels wonderful.

3. Almond oil body baths are a must-have! You will smell delicious all day. This summer, skip all those body lotions & moisturizers! You will love the way almond oil pampers your skin all day!

4. Use a mixture of almond oil and olive oil for your feet. Your feet will sparkle an…

Why chant Ramayana during the month of Karkidakam

For Keralites across the world who follow the Malayalam calendar, today marks the beginning of the month of Karkidakam. This month, which, decades ago, was known and slightly feared for its torrential rains and negative impact on the health, wealth and well being of Kerala's rural community. 
Why chant Ramayana during Karkidakam To ward off the negative energy unleashed by Nature and its possible repercussions on one's family's overall well being, the wise elders introduced the timeless tradition of every family reading the Ramayana as an oral, spiritual tradition. Thus, it goes without saying that for Keralites who embrace these traditions, the act of reading the Ramayana is as much a spiritual cleansing as it is a kind of tradition they can pass on to bond with their loved family members, particularly children.
In the Ramayana, there is no 'preaching of principles' but you are taken through the Avatar's journey as a human being. Lord Rama depicts how a man shoul…

Significance of Gayatri Mantra: Can ladies chant the Gayatri mantra?

Like all working mothers, there is no "ME" time once I wake up. But I chant the Gayatri mantra almost all the time - while I am making the morning tea, washing the dishes, putting the clothes to wash, whatever chores I am doing I chant the Gayatri along with it. The good thing is that it fills me with amazing, joyous energy. Laughable as it may sound to many of you, the energy sounds that form the base of the Gayatri Mantra are believed to provide a powerful aura of protection to those who chant it regularly. 

Now, it always amazes me when I get queries from women asking, ''Can ladies chant the Gayatri mantra?" and I can't help but ask, "Why do you think women can't chant the Gayatri mantra?" The next question that comes my way frequently is this, ''Can ladies chant the Gayatri mantra during their periods?" and my answer is the same, "Why can't they chant the Gayatri mantra during their periods?"

[MUST-READ: Who can cha…

Does Maha Mrityunjaya mantra work?

Many people ask me this question, ''Does Maha Mrityunjaya mantra work?''. Mantras always work but the problem is that we are often not open to believing this.  The query about whether the Maha Mrityunjaya mantra works comes in different forms, sometimes by email, in the comments section or in person. Most people are curious, some are interested but few are committed to sincerely want the answer.

                                                                                              [Image: Pixabay]
I am just an ordinary seeker on the spiritual path but my experiences have taught me valuable lessons and I am sharing this with you so that it helps your spiritual progress.
From what I have learned from my grandmother, who was a devout Shiva Bhakt throughout her life, the Maha Mrityunjaya mantra is a powerful mantra that has ancient sounds which provides an aura of protection to those who chant it with faith regularly and it triggers powerful energies to remove sufferin…

Premam Malayalam Movie Review: A Superb Entertaining Love Story in which Nivin Pauly conquers hearts and Sai Pallavi is a delight to watch

Alphonse Puthren's Malayalam movie "Premam" starring Nivin Pauly has been a most talked about film as Malayalis across the world have shown great love for "Premam."  
"Premam" is a movie that will take you back to the bittersweet memories of your first love, second love and maybe, third and final love!
[Image credit: Google Images]
Premam Malayalam Movie Review: Butterflies are mentally mental, so is love
I had a big smile on my face when I read the words "Butterflies are mentally mental, so is love" on the screen. This was shown just before the credits started to show.
It marks the perfect beginning to a "nutcase" love story! I was all set to enjoy this delicious tale of teenage crush, love & mature love - the phases that each of us have gone through in this journey of life at some time or the other.
Premam Malayalam Movie Review: Story
Premam's story revolves around the butterfly-like, romantic journey of  George David (Nivin Pa…