Skip to main content

Happy 7th Birthday to the Sun of My Heart


I have to confess this to you but you have probably guessed it anyway...okay, let me just take a deep breath before I say this.....




Motherhood & Parenting Blues

I am not a natural, hands -on mom.  Okay, I've said it and I feel better already. But I guess you already guessed that ages ago. Get ready for more. I am not done yet.

I almost never wanted to become a mother in the first place. Not because I am a feminist or that I feared I would put on weight (which happened anyway) but because I feared that I wouldn't be able to love my baby like other moms naturally do. Even while growing up with girls, all they could talk about even in Std 4 was about getting married and having babies. That sounded disgusting to me. I believed then that I had greater things to do, or so I told myself. And the books I constantly read threw open a more expansive view of the world.  As I grew older, the prospect of motherhood didnt evoke any interest in me. What's the big deal - is how I saw it. 

Later as I grew more mature in my perspectives, I saw that many children felt unloved and unwanted by their own parents. And I didn't want to be a total failure at the most important thing - loving one's own kid. 

Loving your Baby: Can it be complex like rocket science? 

So, throughout my pregnancy, I went on reading stuff on how to love your baby kind of books. Those books made my fears worse because it sounded as though loving your baby is rocket science. But when the doctor placed newborn, wailing, pink-as-candy Jyotiraditya against my cheek just after he was born and doc said to me, " Say hello to your rosy cheeked prince," an ocean of love swelled up inside my heart.

I was filled with so much joy and within my heart, there were powerful waves of love reaching a crescendo and I knew then that loving one's baby is every woman's instinct.  

And I knew with  certainty that I have not felt that kind of love for anyone in my entire life. Honestly, it was like jumping down a cliff, heart plunging and it didn't even matter whether one had wings to land safely. All that mattered was that pure moment of absolute bliss shared between my baby and me. No one in this world could possibly have felt what I felt when I held my newborn baby in my arms. It was as though I had been reborn again. And yes, it was a  new birth for the two of us.

But lets come back to reality. Bump! Did you feel that? Or was it just me?  

Anyway, none of this gushing about Adi makes parenting easy for me. I constantly see moms who are so super good at parenting, constantly tracking their child's growth, mapping out their child's career to a perfect T even before they start crawling, 'fixing' admissions with top schools years ahead, tracking every activity and measuring outcomes in a bullish 'my kid should be the best' way. 

SORRY. I couldn't be a mom like that. I would rather shoot myself in the knee than become a mom like that. It conflicts with everything that I believe in as a spiritual seeker. 

And no, I don't believe in spoon feeding my child, watching his every step like a hawk - no thank you. I haven't been brought up like that by my parents and I won't do it with my son. It is my choice. If that makes me a careless, irresponsible mom, fine.

But wait, I am not saying that I am right.  

How Time Flies When Kids are Growing Up

After all, Jyotiraditya and I have our "issues." We also have many one-on-one conversations. Yup. It's a real conversation where I don't accuse, blame or scream at him. But I tell him how, what and why something is not acceptable to me. We discuss it and when it turns out that he isn't getting my point, I will tell him firmly that it is the new rule and he can discuss it with me next week after we have worked on it together. This usually works. To win my point, I usually help him understand how it benefits him personally to do what I am asking him to. I don't offer bribes or incentives of any sort to make him accept what I am saying but I reason it out with him.

Like most Indian parents, Sanand and I have worked doubly hard in this parenting journey.  Through raising Jyotiraditya, we have learned a lot as parents and from each other's strengths in tackling different situations relating to Adi. By doing so, yes, we have learned a lot about each other as well. Perhaps that is why most Indian families want newly wed couples to have kids fast - because the experience of parenting deepens and strengthens the relationship between a man and wife and takes it to a completely deeper, powerful level.  

As I gear up for my son's 7th birthday, I can see the changes that the past years have triggered. Jyotiraditya is growing taller now. From a shy, introvert child who had seemed to be frightened by the world and with the absence of parents who seemed to work 24X7, he's come a long, long way. He learned to choose his own clothes at the age of two and indicated clearly what he would eat and what he would not. He had never had to be toilet trained. He learned that on his own when he was one and a half years old. He became a regular visitor to the British Council at the age of two, poring over the pages of colorful children's books, asking me to read them out in a baby language that he could understand easily. And when he used to have nightmares in the night, my mother taught him the Gayatri mantra, the Sai Gayatri mantra and the Devi mantra to ward off his fear. He also learned the first four verses of the Hanuman Chalisa - all this at the age of two. Whatever he does, he does it with a passion that makes others follow him whether it is playing cricket, football or whatever. 

He regularly does mantra chanting, meditation and loves to read and listen to stories before he falls asleep. He loves to read until he tumbles to sleep. He listens to me carefully, corrects my Hindi, tells me off if he isn't happy with something that I am wearing or eating as though we are best buddies. He points out to me if there are double dhamaka deals in the store where we buy our daily provisions from. I love all of that. 

Parenting Journey
Sanand and I are in this parenting journey together in a way that no one else can be - everyone else can just watch and maybe offer suggestions from the periphery but the two most important stakeholders in a child's life (besides the child)  are the parents. We know our son better than we have understood ourselves or even each other. We may not look at parenting the same, or treat issues in the same way all the time. I would not let my son out of my sight even for a moment whereas Sanand would give him 'independent moving space' and I'd probably die worrying about whether Adi would get lost! 

But it is in these differences in parenting that we, as parents, also grow, mature and learn to find new spaces in our life together. After all, all those years ago when we first fell in love and decided to spend the rest of our life together, we had expressed to each other that we wouldn't be 'natural' at parenthood but I am glad that we were blessed with Adi because with him and through him,  the two of us have come a long, long way from that point when we began our life together. 

While I do believe that we are the least trained husband and wife to take on this role of parenting, it is our son Jyotiraditya, who makes our life perfect by being there in our life just the way he is. If God asks me whether I want to change anything in Adi, I would say, "NO, thank you" because I love him as he is - with all his strengths and quirks. 

Grandfather's Words of Wisdom for Jyotiraditya
I want to end this post with the words that my father said to me about Adi recently

"The sky is the limit for Adi, my grandson. He can choose to build his destiny to great heights and I am sure that he will. All my life, right from my childhood, I wanted to be a doctor so that I could serve people who are in need. Perhaps age has made me slightly wiser and selfish, but I want my grandson Adi to be  a STAR, to become some one who leads, not serves, someone who inspires others to serve a great cause that empowers them to lead better and happier lives. I am growing old but my dreams for my grandson are vibrant and full of grandeur. I may not always be there to see what Adi becomes but wherever I am I know that I will watch over him with all my love and he'll make me proud just as he makes his parents proud with everything he has accomplished. I always took pride in the accomplishments of my daughters. But with my grandchildren, the feeling of pride has more than trebled. I pray to God for their happiness and well being always."

Happy 7th Birthday, Adi - the Sun of my Heart!

♥♥  I thank you with all my heart for reading my post. I dedicate this post with love and gratitude to all of you who love your family and work for the family's happiness and well-being. May your life be forever blessed with an abundance of loving thoughts and energy always. ♥♥

9 comments

Most Popular Posts

The Ugly Truth about Caste in Kerala

Many years ago, when I wrote this post on Kerala's caste system, I had not considered the possibility that my thoughts and my personal journey would receive such online abuse or that I would be seen as some one who was trying to insult other castes. The intention of writing is always to share an experience and not to insult others. My experience of motherhood and marriage would be different from yours. When I write about my experience, it is illogical to shout that as being insulting to your experience because our journeys are entirely different narratives. 

My question is - why do you ABUSE any caste or person here? You are free to disagree but why do you ABUSE? How does that reflect on YOU?

In my article, I shared what trials I went through, without any intention to insult any community.The intention of my article is to question - why are we even exchanging insults over an issue called caste? 

Should we not be aspiring to be above caste considerations instead of abusing each other …

Mahamrityunjaya Mantra: Meaning, Benefit of Chanting and Who can Chant the Mantra

Mahadmrityunjaya Mantra: Benefit of chanting this mantra nee

There are very few mantras that are as powerful as the Maha Mrityunjaya Mantra. Do read my post: Does Mahamrityunajaya mantra really work?Of course, it does but you need to undertstand the meaning and significance of the mantra first.
This mantra is believed to have the power to remove all sufferings, diseases and bestow the one who chants it with good health and long life. It is also believed that constant contemplation of the Maha Mrityunjaya Mantra can help spiritual aspirants to overcome the cycle of birth and death.
What got me fascinated about this mantra is something personal.  I learned this mantra from my father but it is my maternal grandmother who chanted it all the time and repeatedly told me of its tremendous power to protect. However, I did not chant this mantra regularly. [ Do READ: THE POWER OF LOVE]
But at the age of two, my son was taught some mantras by my mother who explained what it means to him and he becam…

A Dad's advice to the daughter he loves: Be yourself, remember you are special and treasure your strengths

Just a week ago, Dad gave me a very emotional pep talk at the Bangalore airport. The good thing is that whenever I feel emotionally vulnerable or stressed out, I replay Dad's conversation. It lifts me up and instantly brings a huge smile to my face. That's my Dad - yeah! 




As a teenager, Bangalore used to be one of my favorite cities though the garden city was not as ''global'' and ''vibrant'' as it is today. It was a pretty cool place to go shopping for stylish accessories, not that I could splurge and go crazy with shopping but I could do so on a limited budget. So, I used to look forward to our summer trips to Bangalore, from where we would head out to Whitefield. 

The busy, broad streets, the scent of street food and the vibrant atmosphere had always perked me up every time I reached Bangalore. Be it heading to Puttaparthi or Whitefield, my parents and I have traveled to Bangalore so many times that it became a kind of ''routine'…

Amazing Signs You are an Earth Angel

Doreen Virtue’s book, “Assertiveness for Earth Angels” brings to life the reality of Earth Angels in very easy way. It’s an exciting must-read! 

[DO READ: The POWER OF LOVE]

Earth Angels have amazing superpowers in: MusicArtsWriting HealingManifesting miracles for others such as controlling weather conditions and  becoming invisible at will.
[MUST READ: A Dad's Advice to the Daughter He loves]
DO READ: ASK MORE, FEAR LESS.

How to Identify Earth Angels by their Traits
To know whether you are an Earth Angel, take a look at their known traits that are explained in this book:


You have a graceful and compassionate aura that inspires people.Your presence “lifts” everyone to happier spirits – it is proof of who you really are.You don’t judge others but you overdo the “acceptance” bit. So, you tolerate even those who show no respect for boundaries.You cannot stand anyone suffering or being in pain. You are constantly “rescuing people” because it is in your nature to want to see everyone happy in …

Top 10 Skincare tips for Summer

Come summer, and we women worry a lot about how the sun lashes out on our skin. True, skincare tips for the summer are plenty but what about the hushed secrets - yes, those tried and tested family secrets that are passed on from mother to daughters? [ALSO READ: How to NEVER EVER GIVE UP on the spiritual path]




Here are some that are totally easy to do. Best of all, these are effective and bring on a feel-good factor in the peak of summer.

1. Replace water with rosewater. It keeps your skin luminous and fragrant throughout the day. It's a good toner too.

2. Cleanse your skin by combining these ingredients - honey, milk, rosewater/rosepetals and turmeric. Add a dash of olive oil and yes, it feels wonderful.

3. Almond oil body baths are a must-have! You will smell delicious all day. This summer, skip all those body lotions & moisturizers! You will love the way almond oil pampers your skin all day!

4. Use a mixture of almond oil and olive oil for your feet. Your feet will sparkle an…

Sage Tiruvalluvar's golden advice on how friendship affects your life

Ruzbeh N Bharucha's latest book, ICE with Very Unusual Spirits, is a book that I have absolutely enjoyed reading. While reading every chapter, I began to contemplate a lot on the friendships in my life, as the book blends in some of the most valuable teachings of Sage Tiruvalluvar and Sai Baba of Shirdi. The essence of the book revolves around true friendship and how it can make us not just more human but it can make us divine beings too.




As human beings, we thrive on friendship. These days, I've started wondering, ''Is there real friendship out there?'' From experiences that span four decades now (yeah, I am that old!), I am beginning to wonder about the authenticity of most ''friendships.'' [Do read: How to Console a Friend who Lost her Spouse]

A friend whom we knew since childhood days invites us home for dinner but when we visit, we don't get served dinner, but popcorn. Our mistake? We arrived in an auto, instead of a taxi (it is a differe…

Compassion for All: 5 Powerful Ways to Teach Your Child to Care and Transform the World

Just the other day, I read a news report about a son who pushed his mother down the stairs simply because he was fed up with taking care of her. She fell sick too often and he was fed up with being the caregiver. I wondered, ''What kind of an environment are we creating for our children? Our actions leave an impact and how can we help create the right impact?How do we teach human values?''


FOLLOW MY BOARDS ON PINTEREST

As a parent, the one thing that worries me among many is how to nurture compassion for all in a growing child.  Forget about teaching compassion to a child - how do we start practicing it? For most people, these are lessons learned at home. I grew up seeing my father show compassion to all those who reach out to seek his help. Jokingly I once asked my Dad, ''What if a Pakistani soldier is dying and seeks your help, what would you do?'' He didn't have the slightest hesitation in saying, ''I'd do my very best to save his life.…

Jodhpur travel: Ring in the New Year with Flying Fox adventure, Polo Grounds, a room without a roof & more

A part of me has always been a dreamer, a seeker, and a wanderer.Perhaps the way I grew up has something to do with this. Bright, blue sky, skin colored sand that you could melt into and blue waters that sparkled when you splashed it on your skin....ah, the magic of growing up in a place like Blantyre! It felt joyful when we chose to welcome the New Year by traveling to a new place together for the first time! I can't describe the delicious feeling of excitement that I felt when we reached Jodhpur. I love not to plan and travel to places just like that - it has its dangers but still......!



The real fun began when we went sightseeing! The spicy food (not to my son's liking - he doesn't like to eat anything with onions - which puts us in quite a difficult situation with most Indian dishes), the warmth and hospitality, the grand palaces, forts and there is so much I want to share with you about the moments I enjoyed, the people I made friends with and the experiences I had. 

Mo…

Childhood is the best part of life

Memories have a funny way of coming back into my head, sometimes when I am about to get ready to go to work or sometimes like a flash from the past. It happens to me all the time - swathes of childhood memories flooding back. This time, as the first touches of winter began to make itself felt in Delhi, I went on a trip to Goa with my son and close friends. From the moment I landed in Goa till I got back, I was on a happy high, like a teenager who's going on a much awaited holiday.  Let me tell you a funny thing. I even went and bought myself a swimming costume to wear for the first time since my teenage years but guess what? The funniest part comes now - I never got to wear it. Maybe the idea was just to feel like a teenager again as I am growing older, not wiser! Hahaha!  [MUST-READ: Mahashivaratri - I'm loving it!]



FOLLOW MY BOARDS ON PINTEREST

The Goa trip was an incredible experience that took me back to where I really came from, where my heart has always been - Blantyre. Th…

That Feeling of Love

That feeling of being in love is probably the happiest, craziest and over-the-moon experience in your world.
Embrace it. 
Love it. 
Cherish it.


What's your favorite love quote?