Skip to main content

Freedom is a Priceless Gift, So is Personal Space

There are some little things in life that we can change. My parents, from their conduct, taught me this. I want to share it here because I see the lack of it affecting the sanctity of relationships across families and friendships.

Give Personal Space, Don't Give Advice

Lets face it. We are educated, grown ups and we don't need people telling us how to do things. We have a fairly good idea of how to manage our private spaces and there are people who can step in to help us when things go wrong or when we ask them for their advice. Too many relationships are spoiled by imposing one's own perceptions on others, whether it is in family, friendships or even at work places. The simplest and most effective solution is to give each person his/her personal space, respect that space and don't give advice unless it is requested. Sometimes, your intuition can tell you to break that rule but giving inputs all the time and giving advice all the time are two different things that require a delicate balance.

The best way to test if your advice is likely to be appreciated is to weigh the following factors:

1. The depth of your emotional closeness and proximity with the person you want to give advice to.

2. The urgency of the situation that requires such advice.

3. The probable 'value add' that can make your advice invaluable to the recipient's quality of life and to your own relationship with the recipient too.

I've never given advice to anybody for two simple reasons. One, I am not qualified to advice people about how they should lead their lives when I know very little about who they are or what their real feelings and lives are like. Two, I don't accept anybody's advice except that of Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba whom I revere as my God and I don't give advice to anybody. That is my policy.

I must confess here, that while my parents have influenced me the most, they have never imposed their wishes or beliefs on me. They have always given me absolute freedom to decide what I want from my life. Yes, they have approved of somethings and disapproved of other things but my father always taught me one important thing,
"Always make your decisions by asking God and yourself if this is the right thing to do. Never let anything else deter you, especially your ego. If there is a conflict between what God says and what your conscience says, listen to the conscience. That is your inner charioteer, that is the voice of God speaking to you. " And he said, "If you disagree with this, you have the freedom to say so too."

I respect and believe in all religions but I don't let religion dictate every minute aspect of my life as if it were a lifetime punishment. Suppose the Bible, the Gita or the Koran say, "don't do X, Y and Z", the important thing is to ask your conscience what is right for you in your unique or peculiar set of circumstances. It has always worked for me to listen to my inner conscience but it differs from one person to the others.

This freedom that my father gave me helped me to be more responsible towards my own growth in a positive way. That is exactly the gift I will pass to my son.

Comments

BK Chowla, said…
No advise should ever be given unless it is asked for.
Absolutely, I agree with u on that.

Most Popular Posts

The Ugly Truth about Caste in Kerala

Many years ago, when I wrote this post on Kerala's caste system, I had not considered that people would start sending in abusive comments about one caste over the other. It baffles me that this is how Indians, all of us, continue to judge each other on account of caste differences.  [ READ: Guru Kripa: Powerful Lessons at the Lotus Feet ] My question is - why do you ABUSE any caste or community? I suggest that you read about the lives of great Masters and their stories - none of them judged anyone on the basis of caste.  You can read the life stories of Sri Adi Shankara Bhagawadpada, Tulsidas, Jnaneshwar, Namadev, Sri Aurobindo, Sri Ramakrishna, Swami Paramahansa Yogananda, Shirdi Sai Baba, and many more Gurus in Sanathana Dharma. NONE of them endorse these caste hierarchies in Bhakti Marga. Assuming that Guru Sampradaya does not appeal to your sensibilities, do read this  new book 'Ants among Elephants' written by Sujatha Gidla, who writes about herself as being born

How do you light Deepam at home?

How do you light deepam at home? As a child, I loved watching the ritual of my grandmother lighting the deepam or the traditional lamp at home in the evenings. A sense of serenity accompanied her frail figure as she would carefully straighten every wick, dip it into the tiny puddle of oil and light the lamp. As my grandmother would read out the scriptures and chant the prayers, the fragrance of incense sticks and flowers added depth to the experience. In many Hindu homes nowadays, the lighting of the lamp (or the nilavilakku, as Malayalis refer to the traditional lamp in their homes) is not a regular practice. A lot of people have many questions around how to light deepam at home and which oil to use and so on. An important point to keep in mind - Maintain physical cleanliness and hygiene while lighting the lamp. Wear clean clothes while lighting the lamp. Frequently Asked Questions About Lighting Deepam at Home Collating most queries related to how to light the deepam at home, I'v

Note of Thanks for the Honest Award

Thank you, Baba . I've run out of words to describe my happiness in getting this Award. A big, heart felt thank you to Faiza Ali for encouraging me with this Honest Award. It means so much to me because I'm an ardent admirer of her awesome blog, Faiza Ali's Kitchen. Requirements:- I must thank the person who gave me the award and list their blog and link it I must list 10 honest things about myself I must put a copy of Honest Scrap logo on my blog I must select atleast 7 other worthy bloggers and list their links I must notify the bloggers of the award and hopefully they will follow the above three requirements also. 10 Honest things about me:- 1. I am very proud of being an Indian. 2. I am very thankful and humbled by my parents', their unconditional love, sacrifices and amazing support and the way they brought me up. 3. Good books are my life. 4. I love my Twitter friends. 5. My favorite place is Puttaparthi. 6. I am a shopaholic. 7. I am a 'people person.&#

Saree Woes 2

Our earlier discussion on Saree Woes really perked up my spirits. A big thanks to all of you for pepping me up. Okay, here's the good news. There was an unexpected late night party that I had to attend in Gurgaon. To be honest, I haven't had the time or energy to attend any such parties after Adi was born. I was sure I wouldn't have the confidence to make conversation with the glitterati, let alone feel confident to carry off wearing a saree. This is one of those parties where you have to be dressed very formally. Well, at the end of a working woman's day, you hardly feel ready to attend one of these parties looking like a moron, right? So, with very little preparation and very few hours left, I called on all the gods in Heaven to help me look a little younger and prettier since I don't have the magic to look young all on my own. Although I was tempted to wear one of my awesome Kancheevaram treasures, I knew it would be very difficult to drape it without any h

Sorry Tales of Housework

While growing up, I shirked house work because I knew Mummy would do it. The only hard work I did is to eat whatever she made. Mummy would wake up early in the morning, bathe, do the pooja, make breakfast and lunch and then of course, my task was to eat it away as if nothing else matters.  Of course, she would ask me to help her out and learn some basics but do you think I listened? Not seriously, I simply didn't. I used to tell her not to worry so much. I always felt there would be a magical Alladin's Lamp that would manifest and take care of everything when it was my turn to take care of a home. Her wise words "Start early, or else later you will find it difficult to manage simple chores in your home" always fell on my deaf and dumb ears. Those were the years I wish I could turn back time.... (sigh, dreaming, dreaming!) In case you are wondering why the sigh, read this post .  Marriage, Introspection and the Pressure Cooker Suddenly, I found